Category Archives: The Vampire Diaries

The Vampire Diaries Recap – 4×23 “Graduation”

How many times do you think I cried during the Season 4 finale? The answer is six. Six times. If you didn’t cry at some point during this episode, you’re either a heartless asshole or you have xerophthalmia, which is the inability to cry, and I forgive you. It’s a real f*cking condition, and you’re welcome for teaching you a new fancy vocabulary word. The season definitely went out with a bang…in the most unexpected way imaginable. This was the most epic cliff-hanger I’ve ever seen. #MindBlown. There were happy moments, as we watched our little gang walk across the graduation stage, Damon finally got the girl, and Matt and Rebekah plan a summer vacation together. Then there were some moments that were depressing as shit. Jeremy realizing that Bonnie’s actually dead, watching all our favorite characters disappear to the other side again, and Stefan getting shoved in a box by his “shadow self” and pushed into the quarry. Let’s get on down to the dirty deets.

ElenaElena: Finally, the Elena that we know and love is back. She got to spend some quality time with Jeremy and Alaric, eating some lunch and drinking booze in the cemetery. These people literally have alcohol on them at all times. Not that I blame them. Their lives pretty much suck. Elena starts to tear up and Jeremy says she can’t cry because they have to make the most of their last day together and then they all hold hands and look lovingly into each other’s eyes. F*CK! I can’t…Damon tells Elena to take the cure and she won’t do it, proving to us that the sire bond is indeed broken. Thank the good Lord. That shit was ridiculous. Then, Elena shows up at graduation all smiley and her, Bonnie, Caroline, Matt and Stefan all share a group hug. I’m sure they are just as surprised as we are that they’re all still alive to see this day. Well, they don’t know about Bonnie at this point, but they’re all still physically present so it counts. Back at the Salvatore mansion, Elena makes everyone feel really f*cking awkward by asking Stefan if she can have a word with him. She thanks him for never giving up on her and tells him to take the cure for himself because he’s the shittiest, most brooding vampire ever. We find out later that he gives the cure back to her and doesn’t take it. Elena heads off to the school to find Bonnie and Jeremy when Kol pops out and tries to kill her. Luckily, Bonnie’s dropped the veil and *POOF*, he disappears. PHEW! That was close. THEN, Katherine appears. “Happy graduation, cupcake.” An epic battle ensues, with punches and locker doors flying. Katherine has Elena pinned down and is close to killing her when Elena shoves the cure down Katherine’s throat. How ironic. What Katherine truly wanted was ultimate immortality, and what did she get instead? The exact opposite. How f*cking poetic is that? I can’t wait to see how Katherine deals with being a defenseless human. This truly is the worse punishment she could get.

StefanStefan: Lexi and Stefan rocking out to Bon Jovi? Pretty much one of the best scenes all season. Stefan gets to graduate (for the 600th time), and he looks happy for once. I’m sure seeing Elena actually get to experience this moment after everything she’d been through is a reward in and of itself. His happiness is short-lived, because he overhears Elena telling Damon that she is completely in love with him. Poor Stefan. Everything he’s done he’s done for this girl. He knew there was a chance this would happen, though. That even with the sire bond aside, her feeling for Damon might be stronger. Before taking off to dispose of Silas’s body, he tells Damon that while he’s not happy about Elena, he’s not NOT happy for him. #TeamDefan. Even though Stefan looks like he’s taking the high road right now, I bet inside he’s two seconds away from spitting in Damon’s face and calling him a nincompoop. He’s driving away with Lexi, and they’re talking about all the places he can go and about how even though Elena was an epic love, he has to move on and live his life. So, it’s off to greener pastures for Stefan, right? Not exactly. Stefan makes a stop at the quarry to lock Silas’s body up in a safe and sink it. When he goes to unwrap his rock body, he’s not there and appears to him as Elena. Da fucque is going on? When Bonnie died, her spell on Silas broke, freeing him. Silas says that he created the immortality spell 2,000 years ago and can never die, but nature needed to create a balance, a version of him that could die. A doppelgänger. So, Stefan’s all thinking there’s ANOTHER Petrova doppelgänger. Stefan should have been smart enough to figure out that Nina would be WAY too busy portraying three people at once.

But then, we see Silas’s reflection in the car window and it’s STEFAN! STEFAN IS A SILAS DOPPELGANGER. Never in a million years could I have seen that coming. Silas, now in his true Stefan, shadow-self form, locks Stefan in the safe and pushes him into the quarry. Oh, sweet Jesus. What the french toast just happened? And was that one of those giant safes that are supposed to be water and fire-proof and are like $5,000? If so, someone needs to take that shit back and get a refund because it filled up with water in under ten seconds. Just saying. So, I’m pretty depressed about the fact that Stefan’s at the bottom of the quarry right now, helpless, but Paul Wesley has got to be jumping up and down about playing the evil Silas AND Stefan next season. Can you imagine the havoc Silas is going to wreak before people find out what the hell is going on? It’s going to be amazing. And in case your brain is still projectile vomiting on itself from the epic Silas twist that ended the episode, here it is again in all it’s glory.

DamonDamon: Damon Salvatore has to be a writer’s dream. His lines and banter on the show are unbeatable and this episode was no exception. Damon gets shot by Vaughn and comes to find out, the bullets are laced with werewolf venom. Oh, for f*cking Pete’s sake. It just seems like this poor sap cannot win. Elena and Jeremy discover this and tell Damon that he needs to take the cure, because then he’ll be human and no longer affected by the venom. Damon refuses to take it because he wants Elena to have it…and because he knows humans are boring and lame. He gives the cure to Vaughn, who wants to use it on Silas in order to kill him, and the two head to the quarry which is where Damon told him they buried him. Vaughn knows that he’s lying to him and starts pumping Damon full of more werewolf venom-laced bullets. Enter Alaric. He throws Vaughn’s body into the water, but not before grabbing the cure off him. He tries to convince Damon, who’s now even closer to death, to take the cure but he still refuses. Thankfully, Klaus is straight whipped by Caroline and shows up to graduation and gives Damon his blood. YAY! Then, we get what we’ve all been waiting for for the past FOUR seasons. Elena finally admits that she’s in love with Damon and she’s not sorry about it. They share a steamy make out sesh in front of the burning fireplace, this time, with no sire bond strings attached.

HOT! No, literally. That fire is f*cking huge and it’s summertime. I don’t give a shit what anyone says about Stefan being her epic and one true love. Maybe he still is, and their relationship was beautiful, but Damon deserves a little happiness at this point, and Elena deserves to act on her feelings. Barely anyone on this planet only dates one or two people in their entire lives, especially not a vampire. Elena is 18. It’s called growing up, people. So, Alaric congratulates Damon on getting the girl and Damon can barely believe that it actually happened.

A happy Damon? That should be fun to see next season. That is, until he realizes his brother his locked in a vault in the bottom of the quarry. Yikes! Save your brother, Damon!

BonnieBonnie: R…I…mother f*cking P. Bonnie is the most selfless, loving, caring, giving bitch in the world. Er, I mean, the other side…BECAUSE SHE DIED. Can we just think about that? Bonnie is dead!!! That scene with here and Jeremy…JEREMY! She saved his freaking life, again. How about the twist of how he can see ghosts? His poor face when he saw Bonnie and realized she was a ghost. “I can’t feel your hand…” #ugh. Bonnie is a true, good friend. She went to graduation for her friends (as a DEAD PERSON), saved Jeremy’s life, and ultimately everyone else’s. Actually, she saved everyone and then f*cked them. I mean, yes, she put the veil to the other side back up and all, but Silas is still running amuck! With Stefan’s face! Back to BonBon and her last episode of The Vampire Diaries as a season reg. Wait, will she be back next season?! I thought she was going to go to college with Caroline and Elena? I can’t take this! Poor Bonnie has spent all her time saving everyone else for four straight seasons. But, who is ever there to save her? At least she has Grams to take care of her on the other side. Someone needs to tell her, though, that being able to “talk” to Jer whenever they want is not the way a relationship works…if you’re a ghost. I mean, long distance can work, but that’s kinda f*cked up. It’s like ghost-Skype, but more creepy and with better internet connection. Anyways, RIP Bonnie Bennett; you’re a good woman, and an amazing friend. Cheers to you.

Matt And RebekahMatt/Rebekah: What did I say last week? I LOVE THEM. How adorable were they in this episode? Rebekah loves Matt, and Matt has really grown to care for her. The thing about Rebekah is, she has made/makes some pretty stupid decisions, but at the heart of it all, she really wants to be a better person. You have to give her props for that. She just wants to care for and love someone, and I think she tied, “being a human,” to that. I mean, all her ex-boyfriends hated her for being a vampire, and all her vamp family have/had some pretty f*cked up relationships. No wonder she believed she had to be a human in order to have a true love and a healthy relationship! Matt calls her out when she’s being a bitch, but he also shows her when she’s good and helps her see the amazing qualities she has, i.e. her sense of fashion and hair styling. (Seriously, her ponytails are FIERCE). Now, they are going on a graduation trip together! Paris, Italy, China…ugh. #jealous. So, I wonder if when the fall comes, if Matt will come back to Mystic Falls, Rebekah will go to New Orleans, and they’ll just take the summer for what it was. That will make me SUPER upset, because I really love them together. I mean, she saved his life! Her frackin’ ex-hunter-boyfriend, Alexander, put him on freaking bosu ball with C-4 ducked taped to the bottom, and basically waited to see when he’d blow up. Rebekah stood with him the whole time and kept him balanced so he wouldn’t wobble and trigger the bombs. She told him about how she would take him all over the world, that he deserved to live a little, and then she kissed him. ADORABLE. During the kiss she vamp-switched their positions so he was free from the bosu-ball-of-death, and told him to run to graduation. How selfless was that? Matt has totally rounded her out, and makes her want to be a better person. #TeamMebekah.

CarolineCaroline: She was total, classic Caroline this episode: planning for graduation, stressing about it, wanting it to be perfect, and stopping at nothing for everyone to be there to enjoy it. The scene where the whole gang was in their cap and gowns, hugging and laughing, and having their one moment of happiness was perfect. Now, let’s get to the good stuff…KLAUS! Caroline calls Klaus for his hybrid blood to save Damon and she couldn’t get ahold of him. She left him 100 messages, true to Caroline form. Just when the gang is getting witch-ified by the twelve sacrificed witches back from the other side, Klaus shows up in a tailored suit and slices one of the witches heads off with a cap using it as a goddamn Frisbee. What. A. Badass. He threatens the rest of the witches, and they all scatter (you know you’re a boss when even DEAD witches are scared of you). Klaus cures Damon, and then gives Caroline her graduation present. They flirt, and he says how he wanted to give her a one-way (first-class, of course) ticket to New Orleans, but he knew she wouldn’t take it. So instead, he gave Tyler his freedom to come back to Mystic Falls. *awwww* But, that’s not the best part. Klaus tells Caroline, “Tyler was your first love, I intend to be your last.” Caroline, if you don’t hop on that train, like yesterday, you’re an idiot. Klaus is so f*cking classy. There better be some crossover episodes where those two do the horizontal, or parallel, or anything really. I just want some Klaroline action! Klaus is right, though, Caroline has to get over her first true love before she can move onto her forever one. One last thing-how bad do you think her (and Elena!) will lose it when they find out Bonnie is dead?! Ugh!!

JJeremyeremy: JEREMY. IS. BACK. I mean, I’m sure he’s probably pissed that all his sketch books and his favorite Chucks are a pile of ashes, but hey, he’s alive. Speaking of, where is he going to live? Maybe he can stay at the Lockwood mansion this summer while Matt is touring Italy with Rebekah. AND how the hell is he going to live a normal life? Everyone thinks he’s dead. Can’t wait to see how they’re going to work all that out, and to see whether he actually hides the fact that Bonnie’s dead. Wherever they take his character, I’m just glad he’s alive!

Anyone else find it ironic that the cliff-hanger was literally Stefan in a box getting pushed off a cliff? No? Just me? Anyway, a lot was left up in the air and season 5 is sure to be just as crazy and drama-filled as this one was. That was the best TVD finale episode yet. Can’t wait to watch it 20 more times in the next week with my dogs. THANK YOU to Julie Plec, the entire cast (Nina better get nominated for an Emmy this year), the writers, the producers and everyone else involved for giving us a truly incredible season. Well, it looks like school’s out for the summer, kids. See you in the fall… #FangsOut



TVD 4×23 Soundtrack

The Vampire Diaries Recap – 4×22 “The Walking Dead”

Our Scooby Gang is in a shit ton of trouble, and they only have one episode left to get it all figured out. ONE EPISODE! It seems like just yesterday we were all counting down the days until the Season 4 premiere. Where has the time gone? In this episode, Bonnie powers up the points of her triangle, causes a blackout and brings back a bunch of dead supernatural creatures. Elena is obsessed with the idea of killing Katherine, Rebekah is still unabashedly fawning over Matt, and we get to see a whole lot of familiar faces that we missed dearly. Let’s get down to the dirty deets.

ElenaElena: Great Scott, Elena Gilbert! Take a mother f*cking chill pill. Stefan is trying to help her blow off some steam by karate chopping cement blocks and doing pull-ups, but all she can talk about is killing Katherine. THEN, she and Caroline are filling out graduation announcements and, of course, she starts freaking out wondering if Caroline knows where Katherine is. ELENA! You are no match for Katherine. This is just a bunch of displaced anger and grief over Jeremy’s loss and all the terrible shit you did when your humanity was off. She’s even shitty to Caroline at the Grill when she tries to ask her about the things she said to her when her humanity was off. Elena heads to the high school with Damon and Stefan to look for Bonnie, who they discover must be doing the spell there to lift the supernatural veil. Elena suggests they split up and that she should go with Damon while Caroline goes with Stefan. She starts questioning Damon about whether he knows where Katherine is. Damon caves and admits she’s with Bonnie. He tries to stop her from going after Katherine and Elena STAKES HIM! What the hell? Her obsession has gone from an obsessive hand-washing disorder to a full-blown couch cushion eating addiction. Yes, it’s real. She’s actually close to killing Katherine when Stefan stops her after he realizes that Bonnie and Katherine are linked. Close call! Elena, you need to get your shit under control and address the real underlying issue here. She does eventually realize this, goes to Jeremy’s grave to talk to him and has another emotional breakdown. At least she’s acknowledging the fact that she doesn’t want to move on and misses him. Kol’s bitch ass shows up to kill Elena and has her by the throat when all of a sudden JEREMY appears! He tries to shoot a stake through Kol, which he just catches because he’s an Original mother f*cking vampire. No worries, though. Stefan comes up behind him and snaps his neck. Jer runs to Elena. Elena looks up at Jer, slowly reaching for his hand. Oh, sweet Jesus.

The fact that Elena actually gets to see Jeremy again and say goodbye is almost too much. She tries to apologize to Damon and Stefan but they tell her she should probably focus on spending time with her brother before Bonnie puts the veil back up. If only Jeremy was here to stay…

BonnieBonnie: Katherine finds Bonnie in the middle of the woods being creepy as shit and asks her what she’s doing. Bonnie’s charging up the points of the expression triangle so that she can lift the veil and contact Qetsiyah in order to find out how to kill Silas for good. Bonnie links Katherine to herself in order to keep her and the moonstone close by. She charges the final hot spot and whips up a mean wind storm in Mystic Falls which causes the power to go out. Bonnie (with Katherine unwillingly in tow) heads to a creepy f*cking cave under the high school and uses the tombstone, filled with Qetsiyah’s calcified blood, to lift the veil. She lets Katherine run off and investigate a sound which is a terrible mistake because, as we know, Elena tries to kill Katherine and inadvertently almost kills Bonnie. Silas appears to Bonnie as Caroline (and then Stefan and his nasty-ass self) and tells her that he was always able to get into her head, that she’ll never defeat him and that Qetsiyah isn’t coming. Then, he shifts himself into Alaric and paralyzes her with the feeling that she’s suffocating. Enter ghost Grams to save the day! Grams gives Bonnie a little pep talk, telling her she doesn’t like it, but she has the power to stop Silas. Damon wrangles Silas, in Alaric form, and Bonnie casts a spell that basically turns him into stone. He starts becoming his true self but we don’t get to see his real face because, conveniently, his rock face connects to the rock wall of the cave. Bonnie gets one measly little hug from Jeremy before she gets back to witch-business. Back in the cave, Grams tells Bonnie to put the veil back up but Bonnie says she was always planning on lifting it long enough to bring Jer back from the dead (again). Grams tells her not to go against nature and Bonnie’s basically like, “F*ck you. I have the darkness, and I do what I want.” It all goes swimmingly. NOT! She died. So, either Bonnie is a ghost at graduation in the next episode and next season when she’s roommates with Elena and Caroline in college OR she gets resurrected. My money’s on the latter. Kat Graham gets a standing ovation for her performance in this episode. Job well done, girl.

DamonDamon: Damon talks to Sheriff Forbes and then talks to Elena about being a little bitch and then he does some other shit and blah blah. Let’s get to the good stuff. DALARIC! When Damon is able to pick himself off the floor after getting staked in the stomach by Elena, he realizes that Alaric is behind him. He’s not convinced at first, thinking that it’s Silas playing mind games with him again. Alaric proves it’s really him by pulling out a bottle of booze from a school locker number 42, and they hug it out. Oh, friendship. Dare I say it…I almost love Dalaric more than Defan. Defan is always great, because they’re brothers, and they love each other. But it’s pretty hard to nail a good bromance. Especially when one of them killed the other’s wife. #IsobelProblems. That bitch was CRAY. Anyways, Alaric and Damon share a flask (or two), and Alaric provides that bestie advice Damon’s been missing. Damon hasn’t been able to talk about the Elena situation with anyone, he’s just been coasting along, “taking care of the kids.” I almost cried for the gazillionth time when Alaric brought that up. “Yeah, bro, I heard that speech.” *awkward* If you guys have been living under a goddamn moonstone for the last eight months, this is the scene he’s referring to. After the reunion, Alaric gives Damon a little pep talk, and after he helps he and the gang trap Silas in his own shell of hell and dump Kol’s body, he gives Damon…THE CURE. Damon stares at it like, “da FUCQUE am I going to do with this?” (Because being a vamp f*cking rules. #duh) And Alaric replies, go get the girl.” God, I f*cking love Alaric. That veil better stay down until the end of the finale, because I miss that guy. OK, you KNOW I got to throw this .gif in there:

StefanStefan: Stefan was amazing in this episode. He can relate to what Elena’s going through better than anyone else. Hello! He’s been off the Ripper rails so many times, he knows what it’s like when your emotions coming roaring back. He tries to help her channel her energy into working out, but that doesn’t go so well. Later at the school, after he stops Elena from killing Katherine and Bonnie, he tries to have a little heart-to-heart with her. I love how he’s brutally honest with her, too, telling her she’s crazy and that all of this nonsense is just her way of trying to get over Jeremy’s death. “The truth is, there are no short cuts. You’re a vampire, Elena.” While Stefan drops a lot of great 163-year-old vampire wisdom on her, she just ends up punching him in the face and storming off. Ouch. Stefan goes to the Grill and is talking to Caroline when he FINALLY gets a moment that he truly deserves. Lexi walks in. “You better mean me.” I lost my shit. I literally started convulsing on my couch like a crackhead. It was unattractive.

Lexi teased him about Elena punching him and then brings up the fact she was replaced by a cute blonde, aka, Caroline. Steroline foreshadowing much? Stefan is always the one sacrificing his life and his time (not that he doesn’t have an unlimited amount of either) to help everyone else, so it was great for him to get his own special moment with his bestie. Plus, who doesn’t enjoy seeing Lexi again?

CarolineCaroline: I want to first begin her recap by saying that she looked amazing in that episode (aside of the slitting the wrist in the dry storage room at the Mystic Grill. #WTF) Can we talk about that for a second? That came out of nowhere. I LOVE when TVD throws curve balls like that. Candice Accola is seriously one of my favorite actresses. She KILLED it in that episode. She was bubbly, sweet Caroline, then she was a crazed bitch slitting her wrists, then she was an evil ass monster dude. Way to go, girl! I also really love the idea of Steroline. Caroline has given her heart and then some for Tyler, as Stefan has for Elena. They both didn’t get everything they needed out of those relationships, and they shared that with each other. I think that deepens their bond to more than friendship. Plus, they’re both hot as hell so that would make a great promo poster for season 5, not to mention some awesome sex scenes. PS-Caroline getting slapped by Rebekah and yelling, “BITCH!” is my new favorite Caroline scene. Actually, let’s all just watch that again:

rebekahRebekah & Matt: If their relationship takes off the way (I think) the writer’s are intending it to, I think Matt may play a dual role in both The Vampire Diaries and The Originals. Thoughts? I mean, they’ve been toying with those two since Beks came on the show. I actually really like them together. Think about it: she is LITERALLY the most badass woman on the planet (she’s a frackin’ Original!), and Matt could give two f*cks. He stands up to her, throws it back in her face, while at the same time letting her know when she’s done something good. He is completely honest with her, and whether he realizes it or not, he helps show her that it’s OK to be who she is (…as long as she’s not a selfish whiny bitch). I love that they both have been getting more screen time this season, and I REALLY love how the writers are adament about keeping Matt human. The guy wouldn’t even take some vamp juice to heal that shoulder up. God, Kol is such a dick for doing that. I’m just saying, I totally would have taken her up on that offer. That shit looked like it hurt. Anyways, I am so #TeamMebekah #TeamRatt #TeamMebkatt Yeah, I’m just going to give up. Regardless, they’re good together.

What a clusterf*ck! So, Bonnie’s dead, the veil is still up, Kol is going to try to kill Elena, the Hunter’s are back in town, Silas is a rock formation, and Damon has the cure. We can only assume that next week we’ll see Caroline say goodbye to Klaus and hopefully see Elena finally choose a Salvatore. When TVFanatic asked Julie Plec about the Damon/Elena/Stefan love triangle, she said that “…Elena, as she makes her way back to her normal self, is going to have to get back in touch with her true feelings so that question is asked and answered before the season is out and it definitely seems very permanent and it’s life altering for all of three of them.” I’d like to see her make a choice so the jilted brother can try to move on and have a life that doesn’t solely revolve around her. Next week, in the season 4 finale, we’ll get to see Kol rallying the dead, the Hunter’s looking for Silas and the cure and REBEKAH KISSES MATT! Until next time… #FangsOut



The Vampire Diaries Recap – 4×21 “She’s Come Undone”



I feel like a semi-truck carrying tears, pain and water balloons full of emotions just hit me going 90 miles an hour.  I think Julie Plec said it best when she tweeted this about the episode:

TweetWas it a smart idea to re-watch the episode this morning while getting ready? No, it wasn’t. Now every time someone tries to talk to  me, I want to snap their neck. Don’t they know my emotions are heightened right now? #Annoyed. Anyway, this was one of the best episodes of the season and I think I’ve pinpointed why. SUSPENSE. What was so amazing about episode 4×02, “Memorial”? Suspense. It had you on the edge of your seat. It was something more prevalent in the very beginning of the show, and I’m glad they brought that element back in full force in this episode. In “She’s Come Undone”, we witnessed Elena literally turn herself into the Girl on Fire, Bonnie strike a hot deal with Katherine, and Damon and Stefan go to some extreme measures to get Elena to turn her damn humanity back on. Let’s get down to the dirty deets.

ElenaElena: Holy Velveeta mac! Where do I even start? Okay, let’s see… Elena was a psychotic bitch in this episode. Damon got into her head and made her think she was at school with Caroline talking about graduation. Yeah, that didn’t work. On to plan B! Plan B involves Damon and Stefan torturing the shit out of her until she feels some kind of emotion. That didn’t work out very well either. Elena threw herself voluntarily into the sunlight and caught fire. When the boys grabbed her and saved her, she just lied charred on the ground, laughing. She knows that they love her too much to ever let her die, so what’s there to be scared off? Touche! On to Plan C. Plan C involves Damon and Stefan asking someone else to torture her. Someone Elena knows probably would kill her without remorse. Enter Katherine. After assaulting each other verbally and Katherine threatening to make Elena eat her own eyeballs, Katherine gets bored with this game and leaves Elena’s cellar door open. Really, bitch? Obviously, Elena escapes and the boys are forced to put plan D into action. Enter Matt. Elena’s on the side of the road, looking injured and trying to attract someone driving by so she can eat them. Problem is, the person who pulls up to her is Matt. She does feed on Matt, but she doesn’t kill him. Damon and Stefan pop out of nowhere, and with Stefan holding Elena back, Damon threatens to kill Matt if she doesn’t turn her humanity back on. Elena calls his bluff and what does Damon do? Snaps his neck. Now, I knew Matt couldn’t be dead, but him falling lifeless to the ground and watching Elena’s reaction hit me like a ton of bricks. I literally cried. Not a cute cry with a few tears gently rolling down my cheeks. I’m talking ugly sobbing, wailing, screaming Matt’s name obscenely loud and being so obnoxious that my dogs left the room.

Luckily, Matt was wearing the magic ring and this was enough to bring Elena’s emotions roaring back. She straight lost her shit. I always hoped that it would be Matt that would trigger her humanity. Nina’s performance during this episode was OUTSTANDING. Elena, fresh off the heartless bitch train, is wracked with guilt from all the awful shit she did. She tells Stefan and Damon what she’s going to focus on now. Her mission? Kill Katherine. Yeah, we’ll see how that goes.

stefanDamon & Stefan: Stefan kind of stood in the back seat, and let big brother run the show last night. The thing I’m starting to like about Stefan is that he is recognizing his place: to do what’s best for Elena. While those methods may not be the most moral or ideal, i.e. putting Matt’s life on the line, it’s necessary. Can we all just give Matt some props real quick? Not only does he get bullied around by Damon, he let’s the Salvatores put some ring on him (that he KNOWS could turn him into a raging psychopath *cough, Rick, cough*), AND he let’s Elena drain him first. That is not only physically painful, but mentally straining. Not only has Stefan grown and let the big boys do the dirty work, Damon has, too. Season 1 (even season 2) Damon would not have worked in a loophole to keep Matt safe. He would have just f*cking snapped his neck because he was selfish. Now, he has some morality attached to his agenda. Overall, I was proud of you boys last night. You got your girl back, and you didn’t cry when she talked shit to your face about how pathetic you both are being all obsessed with her.

CarolineCaroline: Poor Caroline had a really shitty day. First, she tries to act like this is Stefan’s first rodeo and insists on talking to Elena. That works out horribly because Elena just talks mad shit to her and tries to kill her, AGAIN. Caroline, like a boss, just snaps her neck and is like, “Nevermind, Stef. Do what you need to do.” Caroline is later approached by Klaus and he starts telling her that he can’t stop thinking about her and wants her to come to New Orleans with him. Just when we think we’re getting a satisfying Klaroline moment, BLAMMO!, it’s actually Silas messing with Caroline. DAMMIT! That shit pissed me off. Silas threatens Caroline, telling her that she better find Bonnie who’s been hiding from him and stakes her to make his message clear. Was that necessary? I don’t think so. When she wakes up he also appears to her as Matt. She goes home and she thinks that her mom is really her mom, until Bonnie shows up and sees Silas’s real face. Bonnie magic judo-chops the door open and finally confronts Silas. In the other room, Mama Forbes is practically dead on the ground and Caroline is desperately trying to save her by giving her blood. This scene was heartbreaking. Bonnie leaves and Caroline is left alone, sobbing over her mom’s body. For a second there, I really thought Liz Forbes was dead, but she FINALLY woke up. Thank God! The last thing this town needs is less parental supervision.

bitchesBonnie & Katherine: Whoever thought those two would come to work together? Also, can we please address how mobster their interactions were? “Make you an offer you can’t refuse?” Meeting in an Italian-style mom-and-pop cafe? Ok, Al Pacino, we get it. You’re powerful, and you’re working your magic (pun intended) and getting Katherine to give up that lump of rock so you can bring all these dead f*ckers back. I’m assuming that Bon Bon wants to bring back Jer? Or maybe she has another trick up her sleeve? Who knows?! What I do know is that I finally am able to pin-point who Silas reminds me of:

Dark cape? Weird ass face? Creepy voice? Think about it: Silas’s voice sounds like that sound device the asshats in Scream use to cover up their real voice. ANYWAYS. Bonnie sure has gotten herself into a pickle. Seems like she has all her shit in line, though, with a legit plan. Katherine on the other hand…she is kind of a hot mess. I must say, since Elijah dumped her, she seems a bit more…skanky to me than usual. That might be the wrong shade of pink lipstick she always wears, though. Regardless, she needs something to keep her entertained, and having the ability to not be killed is just it. Oh yeah, Bonnie told Katherine she’d give her the power Silas now has if she gave up his tombstone. #DAFUCQUE

MattMatt: Stop saying that you’re broke. You need to start thinking outside of the box. Let me help you. You could sell the Lockwood’s possessions to pay for college and a personal chef so you don’t have to keep eating Ramen and tuna fish sandwiches. Here’s another option, make people pay you to host events at the Lockwood mansion. Rent that shit out! The possibilities are endless. My other advice for you? Take Rebekah up on her offer to help you get ahead. And another thing, stop being so righteous and let her compel the Harvard admissions office into giving you a full-ride. You deserve some good shit to finally happen to you. Especially after the courage and love for your best friend you displayed. For risking his life to help save Elena, and looking hot while doing it, we give Matt the coveted #PUREMAN award. #TeamMuggleMatt

Capture Rebekah: The last couple of weeks I have been hearing more and more people talk about how much they love Rebekah. As they should! She’s a fierce f*cking bitch. She may not get the true meaning of being human, but the girl sure does try and it comes from the heart. Matt is a good soul, and he works his ass off. You can tell he thought about taking her up on the offer of compelling him the life he’s always dreamed of, but Matt’s a class act. He’s going to do it the right way. Rebekah, being in love with him and all, supported this and offered to help him study so he can graduate. #adorbs. I also was straight-up OBSESSED with Rebekah’s ponytail. Reminded me of this badass bitch:

If you don’t know who this is, here you go. #yourewelcome. I am curious to see how Rebekah’s story line will transpire over the next two episodes since she’s season reg-ing it up on The Original’s this fall. What do you guys think?!

SilasSilas: Listen here, you punk. I have a few bones to pick with you. Let’s start with Caroline. How do you expect her to get anything done and find Bonnie like you asked when you keep f*cking bothering her and getting all up in her grill? Geez! She can’t find her when you do that shit. Settle down. Back off. You would think that laying stagnant in the bottom of a cave on a mystical island for only God knows how long, would have taught you how to be patient. Also, have you ever tried asking nicely? Bonnie’s a sucker for a sappy story. Maybe she could have found a way to fix your face or help kill you IF you treated her with some respect and common decency. But NO, you had to wear Jeremy’s ghost-meat suit and then try to kill Caroline’s mom. Now it’s game on. Lastly, have you ever heard of Orange County? It’s this place in California and they have plastic surgeons there that can basically work miracles. See…


Magic! Ok, so maybe that’s a bad example. All I’m trying to say, Silas, is that you could have, and should have, taken a very different approach to all of this. I don’t know if they taught you this lesson in your elementary school in 1st Century B.C., but violence is never the answer. Unless you’re humanity-less Elena, and then violence is really your only option. I just hope you don’t try to kill anyone else in your suicide mission. That shit’s just rude. Don’t hate on everyone else because your ex-girlfriend Medusa’d your ass. #truth.

the-vampire-diaries-recap-shes-come-undoneKlaus: Ok, we know it really wasn’t you, but seeing JoMo might have been one of the best part’s of the episode. Also, I am LOVING how the writers keeping giving us Klaroline scenes. #keepitcoming.




So what did you guys think of last night’s episode? We think Nina deserves an Emmy, Caroline deserves a Klaroline sex scene, and we deserve to see Damon take his shirt off. Next week’s episode looks like it’s setting up the finale for some crazy ass shit. Leave your thoughts below! Until next time, #FangsOut



The Vampire Diaries Recap – 4×20 “The Originals”

The Originals

Usually, my favorite thing about writing Vampire Diaries recaps is gushing over Klaus’s amazingness… so I’m in hybrid heaven right now. “The Originals” pilot served up some serious drama and introduced us to some colorful new characters. I couldn’t be more thrilled about the fact this show is set in New Orleans. Full of life, boisterous and with a little darker of a plot, “The Originals” has a very different feel and vibe than the Vampire Diaries. It’s more mature (obviously, since no one’s in high school) and shows a different side of the supernatural world than we’ve ever seen before. We, for one, thoroughly enjoyed it and are crossing our fingers that it gets picked up by The CW. In this episode, we followed Klaus to New Orleans, witnessed some serious Jerry Springer shit, and got to look at Marcel’s face on and off for a full hour. Let’s get down to the dirty deets.

Klaus: "I love you, man." Elijah: "No, bro, I love YOU."

Klaus: “I love you, man.”
Elijah: “No, bro, I love YOU.”

Klaus: Klaus strolls into NOLA like the muh f*cker never even left. I mean, he OWNED the town…300 years ago. Marcel seems to have taken over. No, like seriously, that fine piece of ass took over the whole damn city. Klaus starts to realize that Marcel is like the Don Corleone of Bourbon Street. Marcel, as any respectable vamp would do to his sire, welcomes Klaus with open arms. I picked up REAL quick that Marcel is taking the, “keep your friends close and your enemies closer,” approach. When your enemy is an immortal hybrid, that’s kind of your only option. Klaus needs to find some witch  (Jane Anne), who ultimately is ALSO trying to find him. #Convenient. That witch casts a spell with her sister, and unbeknownst to Klaus, witches aren’t allowed to do that shit. Klaus finds this out when he asks Marcel to help him locate this witch, to which Marcel replies, “oh, sure bro! I already have her!” Marcel then publicly executes her in the middle of the street for breaking the rules of witchcraft. Um…OK? Klaus hides his frustration, because he clearly doesn’t want to give away his agenda to Marcel.

But Klaus isn’t the only one with a hidden agenda…and secrets. Marcel has the witches tied around his sexy little fingers (I mean, wouldn’t you be?), and Klaus wants to know how and why. Back in the day, witches were all on Klaus’s junk, and now they’re afraid to take a shit without getting a bathroom pass from Marcel and crew. Marcel also shared the daylight ring secret with his posse of wannabes. Klaus was like DA FUCQUE? Mother f*cker better respect his elders. Actually, let me rephrase that. He needs to respect THE elders. Klaus is an ORIGINAL vampire, and not to mention, the ORIGINAL hybrid. Oh, I’m sorry, did you lose your copy of Webster’s? That mean’s he is immortal. He can’t be killed. By anything. Yeah, he’s cooler than you. He can go into a sauna at the YMCA, blow himself up, and have a thousand little wooden stakes explode into him, and all he needs to do is exhale. #stakesblowout #hesalive. Klaus reminded Marcel of this little fact when he bit one of his, “day-walkers.” “I CAN’T BE KILLED.” Who’s the king now?

Then came the real shocker of the night that has half of The Vampire Diaries fandom so enraged they decided to send death threats to Phoebe Tonkin (really people?), and the other half intrigued by where Julie Plec is going with this. We’re obviously with the latter. So, on this episode of Maury, Elijah leads Klaus into an alley and is confronted by Sophie. In walks his werewolf one-night stand, Hayley. Shit goes down like this…

Klaus: “Da fucque is going on here?”

Sophie: “I can tell when people are pregnant. You’re Hayley’s baby daddy.”

Klaus: “Oh, hell naw! That’s not my baby.”

Sophie: “Yup. It is.”

Hayley: “Totally is.”

Sophie: “You better help us take out Marcel because their lives are in my hands. We’ll kill her.”

Hayley: “I’m sorry, say what?”

Klaus: “Interesting… don’t care. Deuces.”

Klaus is acting like he could care less whether Hayley and his baby die and frankly, he looked really immature. He’s fighting his human feelings and coming off like a bigger baby than his unborn hybrid fetus. Here’s something to celebrate, though. He called Caroline and told her that he wishes she’d let him show her New Orleans! I about died. She probably deleted the message as soon as she listened to it. I mean, I know what I’d be doing if Klaus left me a voicemail…

Anyways, Klaus had another emotional moment when he saw a bunch of street performers and painters being cultured and classy in the New Orleans’ starlight. He ran into Camille, or “Cami”, the bartender from earlier. He and Cami shared a classy moment where she pointed out all his insecurities and secret desires. This ultimately led Klaus to a bench in a plaza somewhere to contemplate his meaning in the world, and Elijah, fittingly, joined him in a suit. They talked about how they’re family, and they need to stick together, and Klaus finally admitted to helping the cause of taking over New Orleans (and taking ownership of impregnating Hayley). Phew!

"I'm sexy, and everyone and their mom, and their mom's mom, and their mom's mom's mom knows it."

“I’m sexy, and everyone and their mom, and their mom’s mom, and their mom’s mom’s mom knows it.”

Marcel: Is it possible to fall in love with someone this quickly? I mean, if the show doesn’t get picked up, I’d like to request that Julie write another show centered around Marcel where we just watch him hang out in New Orleans doing karaoke and bossing people around in his fitted T’s. Anyone else down for that? Anyway, Marcel is Klaus’s prodigy. Even though Marcel is downright nasty and rules by fear (like his father taught him to), he’s a charismatic leader and shit runs smoothly in New Orleans. Everyone knows their place and Marcel is the king. Klaus tries to test his authority with all of Marcel’s people watching him, but Marcel bites back. He tells Klaus that this town belongs to him and everyone plays by his rules or they die. He’s not about to let Klaus come in and make a mockery of him. That didn’t work out so well for his friend, as we already know Klaus infected him with his were-juice. Everything’s all gravy by the end of the episode though. Klaus gives the dude his blood to cure him and tells Marcel he knows it’s his town and he’ll respect that. Yeah, we hope Marcel isn’t stupid enough to believe that shit. #MoreMarcel

"I wonder if these witches have any Nutter Butters." #pregnancycravings

“I wonder if these witches have any Nutter Butters.” #pregnancycravings

Hayley: So, you’re a werewolf but your instincts didn’t tell you something was wrong when your map went up in flames and your car stopped working in the middle of a freaking swamp? Get your game up. She looked pretty distraught over the fact that she was pregnant with Klaus’s baby. Listen up, Hayley! You should be honored. That baby will be like royalty. It’s guaranteed to be hot as hell and a complete bad ass. It’ll probably come home from the hospital wearing a fine Italian leather jacket and Ray Bans. #Appreciate. I do feel pretty bad for her right now though. Her life is in the hands of someone whose claiming not to give a rat’s ass about her. I doubt a romantic relationship will form between her and Klaus, but I hope he ends up caring enough to help save her life and the life of his child. Could this be Klaus’s chance for redemption?



Elijah: I’ve said it once, and I will keep saying it until the end of time. Elijah is the classiest mother f*cker on the planet. Supernatural creatures, humans, inanimate objects; He’s above them all. Not only is he loyal and noble as shit, just look at his freaking bone structure for crying out loud! The guy’s cheek bones – dare I say it – rival those of Ian Somerhalder. No, I am not kidding. Look how he buttons his suit jacket? Look at it! No man does that unless he means business. Plus, he is on trend. He’s rocking a charcoal suit. That’s so southern chic and totally in style right now. No wonder Katherine is all over his nuts. I mean, come on. Wouldn’t you want to be a Real Housewife of the Original family? Just ask this bitch:

Anyways, Elijah was left to pick up the pieces (of course) of Klaus’s path of emotional destruction. Elijah sees the ultimate goal: take over New Orleans, and he and Katherine can be bosses and live in some baller ass mansion next to Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett. #BenjaminButton #WatchItIfYouHavent #GetOnOurLevel

Could you imagine game night with those two couples? Moving on… Elijah had to kiss his love, Katherine, goodbye because he realizes what’s important right now: getting his family back together. The guy is a class act. Did you also notice that he was in a perfectly tailored suit the whole time? And I still can’t get over that bouffant hair. I love when he ripped those joker’s heart’s out, too. He still maintained his dapper, composed persona. Elijah never loses his cool. He is thoughtful, rational, and sexual as hell. PLEASE CW! PICK UP ‘THE ORIGINALS’ FOR FALL 2013!

Check out that pone. #hairprops

Check out that pone. #hairprops

Back in Mystic Falls: Elena remained emotionless and unfed (Damon gave her a bag of vervained-blood to kick-start the torture-back-to-humanity process), Rebekah whined about Klaus and the cure, and Katherine looked bored while spitting riddles about being lonely and the meaning of life and blah blah. I’m actually thinking that maybe Rebekah won’t want the cure when she realizes that she could just jack Klaus and Hayley’s baby and raise it as her own. Then, she’ll have the family she always wanted without having to turn into a measly human. #problemsolved. #yourewelcome.

Just give us next week’s episode and the official green light for “The Originals” spinoff. I thought last night’s episode completely RULED, and I’ll be honest, I was skeptical at first but it was definitely amazing. Although, I love J.Plec and crew so much they could probably make a show about zombie ants that take over a town of unicorns on Jupiter and I’d watch it. So, what did you guys think? Are you excited about the possibility of “The Originals”? Leave your thoughts and comments below! Until next time… #FangsOut



The Vampire Diaries Recap – 4×19 “Pictures Of You”

Pictures of You

Holy awkward slow dances and bedazzled dresses. That episode was simply amazing. May I just say, their prom was beautiful and über classy. My prom was in the freaking school cafeteria and I think they scotch taped some tinsel and feathers to the walls to jazz it up a little. Now I feel like my prom experience was a complete sham. I feel gypped. In this episode, we saw Elena not only continue to be a raging bitch, but somehow manage to kick it up a notch and ruin everyone’s prom… and attempt to kill some people. We also saw Rebekah trying to prove she can be human, Bonnie slow dance with a ghost in a tux and Damon drink out of a flask all night in an attempt to deal with the pain of Elena’s rejection and having to watch a bunch of teens dancing around in fancy attire saying this is the most important night of their lives when he knows in ten years they won’t even remember who the hell they went with. It’s alright, Damon. I spent my senior prom the exact same way. Booze and all. Let’s get down to the dirty deets.

Elena TVD 4x19Elena: Cheese and rice, bitch. Your marbles are so f*cking lost right now that they’re currently riding the rings of freaking Saturn. Elena and Rebekah live together now, but only because everyone else hates her so much that they can’t tolerate her for more than 30 seconds at a time. This is not surprising in the least because I feel the exact same way. Rebekah and Elena run into Bonnie and Caroline at a prom dress shop and share an awkward moment. Elena comments on how she likes the dress Caroline’s wearing and Caroline politely reminds her that she helped her pick it out months ago when they were friends and before she tried to KILL her. What’s the next thing we see? Elena walking out of the house in Caroline’s damn prom dress. That is so not cool. Girl code is very strict when it comes to prom dresses. You do NOT steal your friend’s dress that she’s been planning on wearing for months. Although, Caroline should just be glad there weren’t two of the same dress in the store, because there’s nothing worse than someone wearing the same dress as you to mother trucking prom. Trust me, I would know. It happened to me at my senior prom AND, here’s the kicker, the girl wearing it was actually my date’s ex!

I know! Tragic, right? That’s where the flask came in. Anyway, Elena is greeted by both Salvatore brothers and goes all independent woman on them saying she doesn’t need a babysitter. They’re not having it and insist on escorting her anyway. And so the hottest love triangle on the face of the planet head off to prom for a night of magic, romance and holding hands under decorative string lights. NOT! Elena gets to prom and immediately starts acting like a little bitch by choking the shit out of April and telling her she better announce that Rebekah is prom queen or else. She shares a dance with Stefan that made me want to puke all over myself it was so cute and sexual. But alas, it meant nothing to her at all (or at least that’s what she said). When April announces Matt and Bonnie as the prom king and queen, she tells Rebekah she has a stellar idea. It went something like this: Elena, “If Bonnie dies, Silas can’t bring dead shit back.” Rebekah, “I can’t kill her because I’ve got a bet with my brother, or else I would. Sorry.” Elena, “It’s fine girl. I’ll kill her myself.” Elena goes to kill Bonnie who basically bitch slaps her with her witch joojoo and then walks away. Enter Matt and April. Elena smashes April’s face on a table, bites her neck and then casually leaves the room. She tries to kill Bonnie again and fails miserably, only finding herself being vervained and carried away by Stefan and Damon. Good! Lock this crazy woman up!

First of all, you could tell Elena felt something when looking at those pictures of her and Jeremy and then when she was dancing with Stefan. You could see it. So, she’s not a completely lost cause. All I know is, they better torture the shit out of her in that cellar and get her humanity back. I can barely handle the way she’s been talking to her friends and putting their lives in jeopardy. Suffice to say, she’s going to hate herself when she gets her humanity back.

StefanDamon & Stefan: Oh, I just feel so bad for you both right now. Actually, I am going to retract that statement. You two just need to move on. Why are you so hell bent on helping Elena? You boys need to do you for a while. Head back to that island of mystery and find yourself a local to get necky with. You deserve it! I must say, though, that Stefan/Elena dance scene was nasty as hell, and I loved it. Not sure it was the right tactic, though. Humanity or not, that shit was hot. I don’t think she felt her humanity coming back, but she sure felt something. Anyways, Silas appeared to each of those boys as each other, said some mean shit, and then stabbed them. This guy is an #ASSHOLE. But yet, he just wants to, “be put out of his misery.” Really, Silas? No one’s going to go for that bullshit. Speaking of…

Silas-face4x19Silas: Well, no wonder you make yourself look like everyone else! Damn boy, you need some Olay moisturizer like, yesterday. I would be halogramming the shit out of myself to appear as others, too, if I looked like that. Your ex-girlfriend must really hate you. Well played on the hijacking of the cure, though. Silas made himself appear to be Rebekah, and approached Elijah on how she’d been a good little human all day. He tricked Elijah (in his Rebekah suit) into giving him the cure, and walked off crop-dusting a metaphoric mic drop all the way back to his cave. Elijah had no clue! Then, Rebekah calls Elijah all panicky, and Elijah realizes that he didn’t give Rebekah the cure, but Silas! Elijah, you’re an Original vampire, why didn’t you lift your coat tails and chase down Silas?! Silas can’t be that fast. Well, actually, he’s probably fast as f*ck. I mean if the guy can turn into anyone he wants, I’m sure his super-speed surpasses an Original’s.  #sorryboutya

BonnieBonnie: The episode starts out with Bonnie at Jeremy’s grave and Jer appearing behind her. He’s yelling at her to wake the f*ck up and she’s pretty confused until she does wake up… in the middle of a fire pit. She has inadvertently barbecued her couch and almost herself. It’s okay though, she just uses her magic to extinguish the fire, but the couch is definitely ruined. Bonnie, I’m almost positive Ashley Furniture is having a nation wide sale right now. You’re welcome. Bonnie looks beautiful at the prom, escorted by Matt. She tries to be sweet to Elena, telling her she misses her and wants to help her, but Elena just tells her that she’s a walking reminder of all the awful shit in her life. Ouch! Bonnie is prom queen, which she deserves, but the happiness is short-lived. Elena attempts to kill her and Bonnie pretty much knocks her down to size like she’s swatting a fly.

How do you like them apples, Elena? Throughout the night, we saw what we thought was ghost Jeremy appearing to Bonnie, dressed in a fancy tux. Once “Jeremy” starts talking about how she could use her magic to bring him back, she realizes that it’s Silas. Jeremy/Silas appears to her again outside the dance and Bonnie starts shouting at him to get up out of her grill, growing angrier and angrier. We all know what happens when Bonnie gets mad. Shit gets f*cked up. Elena comes up behind her, because apparently she hasn’t learned her lesson, and starts feeding on her. It doesn’t take long for Elena to fall to the ground in pain as Bonnie uses her powers to start breaking Elena’s bones and essentially kill her. Damon and Stefan show up and talk Bonnie down from her magic-high to save Elena. Listen dudes. I think she could have made Elena suffer a little bit longer. She deserves it! Oh, and what are you planning on doing in the next episode? Torture her in a basement? Exactly.

rebekahRebekah: So shit got pretty deep in this episode for Rebekah. We’re talking back to the age-old debate of good versus evil. Can “evil” people/creatures (i.e. vampires), really be…good? In Rebekah’s case, most people think not. No one is afraid to say this to her face, either. Matt and Elena blatantly told Rebekah that she’d be a shitty human, and made her feel like an idiot for thinking any different. Ouch. I have to agree with everyone else to some extent. I mean think about it, she has been a human a fraction of her life on Earth. Most of her time alive (or dead, whatever, you know what I mean) has been spent being a blood sucking demon with no care for anything but her self and her blood lust. Rebekah is extremely immature and emotional, and I don’t really see why she would want to be human, other than the fact that she is bored out of her mind. Klaus and crew seem to agree, and that is why Elijah gave her a “test” to see if she truly wanted to be human. He challenged her to be human for an entire day. Like, no supernatural strength, no compelling friends/boyfriends/prom dates, and DEFINITELY no killing/sucking/draining of any living creature. Talk about a challenge. Rebekah stayed true to this, until Elena’s bitch ass slammed April’s head on the table and bit her neck off. (She really is starting to piss me off.) Anyways, Rebekah was left with a choice: live up to the challenge, or use her blood to save April’s life. Rebekah did the, “good” thing and saved April. We all know what happened after that. F*cking Silas.

CarolineCaroline: You just couldn’t catch a break this episode. Not only was your dress hi-jacked by your ex-bestie, you went to prom dateless, your boyfriend showed up for like five seconds and then left you to throw a prom after-party that no one showed up to. #lifesucks. Caroline did have one positive thing happen to her though: she got to wear a boss ass dress from Klaus’s treasure vault. That ruled. What was up with the Steroline moment on the dance floor, though? I get that people have special little moments or whatever, but I am not feeling the possibility of that relationship. After seeing the sexual chemistry of Stefan and Elena once again, there is just no denying that they are made for each other. Sorry, Delena fans, but right now that’s where my head is. Maybe Damon and Caroline should share more than a flask of whiskey. They both are in love with someone who can’t/won’t be with them at the moment. Might as well have some fun in the meantime! Just saying.

KlausKlaus: When I grow up, I want to be Klaus. I want to be as f*cking amazing and bad ass as he is. Is that even possible? Probably not. Elijah straight up tells Klaus that he’s not giving him the cure and that their sister deserves a shot at being human. Klaus is not pleased. When Elijah gives him the white oak stake that he got from Rebekah in hopes that it will keep him from going after Katherine, he’s pretty much just like, “Screw you. I’m still gonna kill that bitch.” Klaus is brooding and silently plotting when he hears Caroline yelling his name through his house. Their interaction in this scene literally made me squeal at the top of my lungs it was so adorable. When Caroline asks for his help in finding a classy, family heirloom dress, he SMILED. Not his typical, “I’m two seconds away from ripping your heart out of your chest and killing all your loved ones” smirk. Like, an actual happy smile. At the end of the episode, he gets a classy letter and it’s from Katherine. She’s telling him about some mambo jumbo shit in New Orleans (I don’t really know), a.k.a setting up “The Originals” spinoff. We’ll see how all that goes down next week. I’m really excited to get a whole episode (and possibly a whole series) about my beloved Klaus. It doesn’t get much better than that.

What did you guys think? Did the prom episode live up to its hype? I effing loved it, for one. Caroline’s photo montage as you’re walking in to the dance? Yeah, that brought my humanity back and made me bawl my eyes out. Jeremy?! Stelena pics circa season 1?! It was all just too much. Leave your thoughts below, and check out next’s week’s promo (and “Originals” set up!) here. Until next time…



TVD 4×19 Soundtrack

The Vampire Diaries Recap – 4×18 “American Gothic”

This episode was one giant “da fucque” moment after the next. Evan Bleiweiss and Jose Molina, who co-wrote this episode, deserve high praise for bringing us such a fun and hilarious episode. It’s been a while. Way to go! Also, Nina Dobrev deserves a standing ovation for portraying both Elena and Katherine so well. She’s somehow created a distinct difference between the two characters which is impressive. You rock Nina! I don’t even know what the best part of last night was. Elena making out with Elijah? Klaus being shirtless the entire episode? The return of our favorite vamp bitch, Katherine? In this episode, Silas proved that he can play dirty, Rebekah acts as Elena’s body-guard, and Elena makes the point that she doesn’t want to be cured very clear. Let’s get down to the dirty deets…

"Snap my neck. I don't give a fucque." #PerksOfNoEmotions

“Snap my neck. I don’t give a fucque.” #PerksOfNoEmotions

Elena: Elena and Rebekah make it to the small town in Pennsylvania and it’s not long before they realize Katherine’s compelled the whole town. Although Elena thoroughly pissed me off at moments in this episode, she was quite hilarious. I mean, her copying Katherine’s lines in the diner and ordering her to hand over her shoes? Priceless. Rebekah looked amused (and impressed) as well. After snatching Katherine’s phone and seeing that she’s supposed to meet someone named “EM” at 2pm that day, she heads off to take her place. I don’t think she expected “EM” to be Elijah and she certainly didn’t expect Elijah to kiss her and say he missed her. Whoa! Katherine’s been with Elijah! It’s not too surprising considering their history. Elijah calls her on her shit pretty quickly though, and Elena starts asking him why he’s with Katherine anyway, telling him she’s a monster and not the girl she used to be. You’re one to talk, Elena. Katherine comes up behind her and snaps her neck. When she comes to, she asks Stefan and Damon to meet her at the diner in town to talk. Damon and Stefan are still babbling on about getting her the cure and just when you think Stefan’s little “you stuck by me until I got my humanity back and we’re going to do the same for you” speech was sinking in, she snaps the waitresses neck. AH! Say what?

Well… ok then. #BitchMove. She threatens that if they don’t stop trying to get her the cure, she’ll kill anywhere from 1-100 more people. It’s official. This bitch does not give a f*ck. I honestly DO NOT like her like this. Not one bit. She’s worse than Katherine, and that’s saying a lot. I don’t want her to take the cure necessarily, but I hope someone finds a way to flip her humanity switch in its upright and locked position.

"Oh yeah, I'm hot. I don't need Elena. I can get anyone I want." #ItsAboutTime

“Oh yeah, I’m hot. I don’t need Elena. I can get anyone I want.” #ItsAboutTime

Stefan: Praise the Lord. Hallelujah. Stefan finally got some killer lines in this episode. He was getting drab, depressing and falling behind the scenes recently. The Stefan we love was back in this episode, making sure Damon knew that his plan to let Elena “have a little fun” completely blew up in his face. I think he was totally reveling in the fact that he was right and Damon was wrong, but in a friendly way of course. Stefan helped Damon track down Elena and Rebekah, following them to the cream corn capital of Pennsylvania. They are able to track down Katherine and Rebekah but Elena’s already jacked all Katherine’s accessories and taken off to meet “EM”. I don’t know where the f*cking crack rocks Stefan was while Damon and Rebekah went treasure hunting around in Katherine’s poorly decorated house, but he pops in right in time to watch Rebekah guzzle down the cure. He knew that shit was fake, because it’s Stefan and he’s a genius. Plus, he calls Damon out for not even trying to stop her. My favorite Stefan moment of the night? Him telling Damon that once they get the cure for Elena, he’s going to cut her out of his life and start fresh. He says he just can’t do this anymore. YES! I’m so happy that Stefan realizes he deserves more than some, “she loves me, she loves me not” life. That’s no way to live, especially when you’re the hottest vamp around and could have anyone you wanted. Now go find you a sexy supernatural creature, get your freak on and get over bitch-lena.

"I'm getting too old for this shit."

“I’m getting too old for this shit.”

Damon: He can NOT be happy with himself for letting the girls get the jump on him. He’s doubtful that Katherine would live in a cream corn capital, but ALAS she does. When they’re in town and find Rebekah and Katherine, Damon believes that the cure must be at her house. So, he goes with Rebekah and Katherine to her house to search for it. He’s sleuthing around when he spies a fish tank… with no fish. Yeah, that’s suspect. He tries to reach his hand in there to ‘fish’ around, but quickly (and painfully) discovers that the water is laced with vervain. #Crafty. Katherine dipped Damon’s face in the fish tank. His face? Really? I know it heals but damaging that face should be a federal crime. Katherine bolts and Rebekah swipes the vile that they think is the cure and Damon doesn’t even stop her, even though he totally could have. He knows in his heart that he’s scared shitless off Elena becoming human again. Rebekah taking the cure would be the easy way out in his mind. Let me tell you something Damon, no-humanity Elena is ten times worse than human Elena. This is a lose-lose situation. Regardless, don’t count on having any kind of relationship with this crazy bitch for a long time. Good thing you have a few centuries to wait around. AND if Stefan keeps his word, he’ll be out of the picture. Doubtful though.

"At least I'm the hottest doppelganger."

“At least I’m the hottest doppelganger.”

Katherine: The bitch is back! Kitty Kat was up to her old tricks in this episode, as it was revealed that she has been getting sideways with Elijah, all in hopes of him convincing Klaus to give her freedom for all eternity. A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do…right? Apparently not, because once Elena’s emotionless bitch-ass brought Elijah back to reality, he was effing pissed. Elena also dropped the bomb that Katherine oh…I don’t know…KILLED JEREMY. Yeah, she’s a bitch. Freaking ridiculous. Then, just as we love/hate Katherine for being the conniving hooker she is, we enter her home with weird patterned fabric couches and fish tanks, and see that she is just a, “tortured soul trying to live a normal life, and no one really knows her.” #BULLSHIT. Called that one. You’d have to be a blind elephant in a storage unit to not run into that lie. Damon calls her bluff and reaches into the fish tank full of…VERVAIN! He gets a worse sunburn then my little brother on Spring Break circa 1999, and the cure slips from his blistered fingers. Stefan shows up two minutes too late (of course), and Rebecca snatches “the cure” from Damon. We all know how that turned out. ANYWAYS, Katherine has a coming to Jesus at the end of the episode and turns the real cure over to Elijah and confesses how she wants to repent for her sins. Are the writers real about this? If so, I hate to say it #TVDFamily, but we are being set up for a Katherine send off. You heard it here first…if Katherine truly wants to redeem herself, we will see her sacrifice herself for someone (Elijah?). #dramatic #howTVDdoesit. But back to Elijah… I want to dive into his heightened sense of being played like a fifteen year old that just got his first hard-on.

"Seriously, I am so.fucking.classy."

“Seriously, I am so.fucking.classy.”

Elijah: The hair and the suit are back in action! It’s nice to see Elijah hasn’t changed much. He’s still the wise and classy as f*ck man he’s always been. Lord knows we need some one whose moral compass points north around these parts. So, the last person that Elena probably thought she was going to be meeting was Elijah and it became evident quite quickly that he and Katherine had been getting their horizontal Humpty Dumpty on. Yeah, you know what I’m saying? But really, we can tell that Elijah sincerely cares about Katherine and is worried about her well-being when Elena appears instead of her. When Elena tells him that Katherine killed Jeremy, Elijah realizes that she’d never told him that and he’s pissed. Elijah: “She lied.” Elena: “No shit Sherlock.” He calls Katherine out when he sees her, saying the he can’t trust her and asks her if he’s just another stepping stone in her path to freedom from Klaus. Katherine hands over the real cure to him in a gesture that shows she really trusts and loves him (we think). Elijah and Rebekah are reunited. They hug it out and then take off for Mystic Falls. If there is anyone I trust making decisions about the cure, it’s Elijah. We’ll see how it all shakes out once he’s dealing with Klaus, though. For being wise, noble, classy and sexual as f*ck in that suit, Elijah is receiving the coveted #PUREMAN hashtag this week.

Congratulations. We don’t just give that shit out all willy nilly.

*Picking daises petals* "To be human, or not to be..."

*Picking daisy petals* “To be human, or not to be…”

Rebekah: Does feeling human have a heightened sense of having a switchblade thrown at your face? Didn’t think so. Mind over matter my ass. Just because you, “thought you took the cure,” doesn’t mean that you really did and that you’re a meekly little human. Listen, we want you to be happy. But being human isn’t going to solve all your problems. Let me spell this out for you: you’ve been a human for like, what, 20 TOPS years? You’ve been a vamp for 1,000+. Da fucque do you know about being human? I’m not even thirty, and I just had to tap into my wine fund to buy some decent anti-wrinkle eye cream. And guess what? I couldn’t compel Janet from the Kiehl’s counter at Saks to give it to me for free, either. Appreciate what the dark magic gave you and just ride that shit out.

*thinking of painting Caroline in a meadow of tulips and sunshine*

*thinking of painting Caroline in a meadow of tulips and sunshine*

Klaus & Caroline: After Silas white oak staked Klaus, he’s left wallowing in pain at his house because he can’t get all the pieces of the stake out of his back. He calls Caroline over for help, and when she comes over she tells him that she doesn’t want to kill him yet because she needs him to get the cure for him. Aw snap! Caroline isn’t Caroline at all. Silas is just wearing Caroline’s meat suit to trick Klaus. Well, more like he was just appearing to Klaus as Caroline to get in his head, but whatever. If Silas can look like anyone at any time, just imagine the havoc he could wreak in Mystic Falls. Imagine him appearing as Elena to Damon or Stefan and totally just f*cking things up. The real Caroline finally shows up after receiving about a hundred texts from Klaus and he’s like, “Care, is that really you?” She’s like,

She’s not happy with him though, seeing how he pulled her away from her prom committees to play Operation on his wounded body. She uses this opportunity to punish him for the pain he’s caused everyone and for running Tyler out of town. If she wasn’t actually enjoying it, she would have left him there or just helped him and got it over with. Instead, she hangs around and talks to him and stares at him shirtless until he persuades her to help him by using the old, “I’m an Original. If I die, a shit ton of people die” trick. Works every time. All of a sudden he’s not in pain anymore. His pain wasn’t real, just a Jedi mind trick Silas used to show him who’s boss. Damn. That joker is serious. Klaus, you’re no longer the alpha. When Caroline’s about to leave, Klaus grabs her arm *cue me screaming Klaroline at my TV* and tells her thank you and that they should be friends now. Friends? It better be more like friends with benefits. I hope their little departing smirks mean that they’ll be getting it on at least once before Klaus permanently moves to New Orleans and finds a new love interest. #FingersCrossed. #SpinoffProblems.

Where do we even go from here with the cure? Silas and Klaus want the cure to ensure their survival, Katherine wants the cure as leverage for her freedom, Rebekah wants the cure to become human again and Damon and Stefan want the cure to stop Elena from being such a raging bitch. I have a feeling this means none of the above will be getting it. Maybe it’ll get shoved down someone’s throat who doesn’t want it. Katherine? Caroline? Damon? OR maybe they’ll accidentally drop it on the ground and a bald eagle will swoop down and carry it far away and feed it to their babies and then no one will get to take it. You just never know.

Anyway, the writers must have realized it’s been way too long since we’d last seen the characters in haute couture at a formal event, because next week they’re all going to PROM. YES! At least if someone dies there, it’ll be in high-fashion. In the next episode, we can also expect to see Stefan and Damon play ball in the house, Damon warn Elena not to eat the prom queen and Elena cozy up to Stefan on the dance floor (scandalous). Leave your thoughts, comments and predictions. Until next time… #FangsOut



Listen to music from “American Gothic”.

The Vampire Diaries Recap – 4×17 “Because The Night”

Holy shit, this episode was a boat load of fun. This was one of my favorite episode so far this season. Bravo! In this episode, Damon took Elena to the city that never sleeps while Stefan and Caroline stayed behind in Mystic Falls. Why does Caroline always get stuck at home doing the boring shit? Well, I guess killing twelve people isn’t really considered boring, but whatever. Klaus and Caroline shared a few moments that led to nothing at all and brainwashed-Bonnie managed to possibly bring about an apocalypse. Let’s get on down to the dirty deets.

TVD-4x17-Because-the-Night-the-vampire-diaries-33846582-500-533Elena: Elena takes advantage of her trip to NYC and hits up a salon to get some maroon streaks in her hair. She looks seriously bad ass with her new do. At first, I thought she did it just because she wanted to rebel a little but then once I watched the promo for 4×18 “American Gothic”, I realized that maybe she just did it so we could tell her and Katherine apart. Aw, that’s sweet of her. She has a blast at the club with Damon and Rebekah and she lets loose a little which was nice to see. While this side of her is fun for now, I don’t think anyone is going to want to put up with it much longer. The only word to describe her with right now is, bitch. Just a straight up, no filter b-i-t-c-h. She acts all sweet on Damon, and just when we think we’re FINALLY going to get another steamy scene between them, she proves to be using him. Rebekah is apparently her new partner in crime, because she snaps Damon’s neck and off they go. Elena and Rebekah hop in Damon’s car and take off on a little girl’s trip to find Katherine. I’m loving this alliance and all the girl power. #girlsrule.

Speaking of girl power, my favorite part of this entire season was watching Rebekah smack that guys head down in the club for touching her. In fact, let’s watch it again.

God, I love her. I think I’ll try this move next time some douche tries to talk to me in a bar. Should go over well. I’m really rooting for Rebekah to get the cure. She deserves it more than anyone. Somehow, I doubt she’ll be getting it since she’s going to New Orleans with Klaus. You never know though.

Damon TVD 4x17Damon: Damon’s life is seriously f*cking awful right now. Just f*cking terrible. He takes his lady on a trip to New York City, and while we learn that his motive might really be to look for the cure, it’s still a sweet gesture. He takes Elena to a club that he used to fequent back in his grunge days, and who shows up? Why, Rebekah of course. She’s like, “bitch how dare you leave MF without telling me?” He’s like, “I’m just tryin’ to show my boo a good time, hooker.” All lies. The three of them actually have a damn good time at the club, taking shots, dancing to the band and feeding off the same chick. Is that sanitary? Damon sneaks away from the girls and starts snooping around in a room at the club, and he makes a comment that it belongs to Will. Will was the vampire infected with were-juice he staked in the last episode. He thinks Will might know something about Katherine’s whereabouts because he provides fake identities to vampires. Damon snakes a piece of paper from the room before Elena comes in to see what da fucque he’s up to. Damon lies to her about what he was doing, yet again. They go up to the roof and Elena starts getting all flirty and sexual and shit. Just as she’s about to pull something out of his pocket (hoping he won’t notice), he whips it out and is like “looking for this bitch? Haha! Caught yah. I win,” He gets on his high horse, telling her he’s going to make her take the cure no matter what she wants. He’s acting like he’s freaking awesome,

until all of sudden, Rebekah comes up behind him and snaps his neck. Well, guess you aren’t as ahead of the game as you thought you were, eh? That has to be embarrassing.

Yeah, hide your face. When he comes to, Damon has to call up Stefan and admit that he got played by Rebekah and Elena and they just took off with his car to go get the cure themselves. Ouch. I’m feeling really bad for Damon right now. The girl that he thought finally loved him (remember those like, two happy episodes we got a couple of months ago?), really doesn’t give a shit about him now. Can this joker catch a damn break already? #TeamHappyDamon

Lexi & Damon TVD 4x17Damon/Lexi Flashbacks: We got to see some pretty interesting flashbacks of him and Lexi throughout the episode. We got to see 1970’s Damon, and let me tell you, 1970’s Damon is incredibly hot. Lexi came to NYC in the 70’s to find Damon who’d been ripping up the town, literally, and help him flip his humanity switch back on. They actually had fun together, had some heart-to-hearts, and got pretty close. Actually, they got really close. Damon even told Lexi she’s what helped him flip his switch back on and they have hot vampire, bar sex. We should have seen it coming, but Damon was totally playing her ass. They fiddled on the rooftop and in the morning, he locked her on the roof (she has no daylight ring) and then treated her like a straight asshole. DICK MOVE DAMON! It was actually hard to watch. We almost forgot how unforgivably ruthless he used to be. Side note: The 70’s suited Lexi well. She looked freaking phenomenal.

"I'm just going to make phone calls all episode and do nothing else."

“I’m just going to make phone calls all episode and do nothing else.”

Stefan: Stefan stayed in town with Caroline, completely unaware that his brother had even taken bitch-lena to NYC. What do they think you are, Stefan? Chopped liver? He and Caroline teamed up to convince Klaus to help them kill Silas, telling him if Silas succeeds in his mission, hundreds of supes that Klaus has killed will be back from the dead. Who do you think those supes are going to go after? Klaus: “My interest is peaked.” Stefan is completely unsuccessful in preventing Bonnie from completing the expression triangle. And… that’s really about it. Stefan, you were barely even in this episode, and you let Caroline kill twelve people, Elena manipulate Damon, and you teamed up with Klaus all for a girl who I honestly don’t remember why you love anymore. I really just don’t know what to say. Your hair looked good? Moving on. Impress me next week please. Thanks.

Klaus TVD 4x17Klaus: Bitch, you just got white-oak staked! I mean, what da fucque?! I honestly thought for a second that you died. Like, really. But thankfully, even Silas finds you utterly attractive and completely irresistible. Then, I remembered you are getting your own spin-off so you can’t be dead. Silas just wanted to give you the pointy end of his stick to remember him by. He needed to let you know that there was a big bad in town. Yup, he just peed on your carpet and marked his territory. “Who’s the Original now, bitch?!” *Mic drop*. Silas is a man on a mission and he is not letting anyone, hybrid or human or whatever get in his way. Here’s my question though, why didn’t he just kill Klaus? He must need him for something. Speaking of needing Klaus for something…Klaus, I need you to stop being such a DICK! I know Caroline has been a bit on edge, but can you blame a woman? You’ve been at this for one-thousand years, and she’s been at it for like two and half seasons. Give a girl a break. Now go paint her some classy f*cking ponies and redeem yourself. Also, please stop bopping Hayley. That’s just beneath you. (For the record, I LOVE Phoebe Tonkin, but Hayley is just a straight up mountain hooker. #justsaying)

Caroline TVD 4x17Caroline: Girl, you know I love you. But there a few things that really bugged me last night. First off, what’s going on with your hair lately? You are Caroline Forbes, Miss Mystic Falls and Cheer Captain! Quit that scrunchy-look with L.A. Looks Level 10 and get that fierce banana curl blow out we all love. I understand you’re trying to deal with Tyler leaving and all, but the best kind of therapy is looking fierce. Maybe I’m being harsh but real friends speak the truth. Speaking of your moment of truth (and the other thing that bugged me), you killed twelve people! Now I know it’s not fair to really call you out on this as you were just trying to save Bonnie, but you’ve got to think before you act. Now you’ve set a whole mess of things in motion. Also, we know you want Klaus. Either stop trying to take the moral high road and make out with him already, or quit flirting with him. I can only imagine what Caroline will be going through in the next episode, dealing with Klaus’s harshness towards her and the fact she just killed twelve innocent people. I don’t envy her right now.

Bonnie TVD 4x18Bonnie: My god woman. You are a walking, talking, brainwashed, wig-wearin’, TRAIN WRECK. It took me a while to decide if I wanted to even write your recap. You always put yourself in these situations that either a) kill your friends/boyfriend b) kill your mom c) kill innocent bystanders d) kill anything breathing. You talk about how fed up you are, and they VOILA! More people die. Twelve in this case, to be exact. That classy coven of witches was trying to save you! Ugh. So Bonnie decides to get brainwashed by Silas-in-a-Shane-suit, and tricks twelve witches into curing her of expressionism when really, she is about to get white-eyed and kill them all for that ridiculous sacrifice ritual. Caroline was the sacrifice trigger. As she saw one of the witches was going to kill Bonnie because they thought “she was too far gone”, she came up behind the witch and killed her. Then, all other eleven witches died because they were linked together. Anyone get that metaphor? Remember how Elena told Rebekah that human emotions, love in particular, is anyone’s biggest weakness? Love and emotion trump rationality every time, no matter what the outcome. Caroline couldn’t stand to see her best friend die, and in saving her, she not only set the crazy Silas ritual in place, but she killed twelve innocent people. Yep, I just brought that shit full circle. #YoureWelcome

Oh, just wait. It gets better. When Stefan takes Bonnie back to her place to recuperate, she wakes up and doesn’t remember anything. Like, nothing. The last thing she remembers is being in the cave with Jeremy on the island and…blank. Yeah, she doesn’t know Jeremy’s dead. Awesome. Can’t wait to bawl my eyes out next week seeing her reaction to that news. Now Bonnie will REALLY go nuts. She already brought him back from the dead once, and that’s when she was semi-sane. Bitch is fifty shades of crazy now, so who knows what lengths she’ll go to in order to bring him back to life. #Don’tCareThough #JustBringBackJeremy

So, what did you guys think? Is there a deeper hole Bonnie can fall down once she finds out Jeremy’s dead or will she realize what Silas has done and try to do the right thing? Will Caroline get a curling iron and an apology from Klaus? All this pressing drama is killing me. Next week, Stefan points out that Damon’s plan blew up in his face, Caroline tells Klaus she’s going to bring him nothing but misery, and Katherine and Elena have a lunch date to discuss the cure. Leave your thoughts, comments and predictions below. Until next time… #FangsOut



Listen to the music from this episode