True Blood Recap – 6×06 “Don’t You Feel Me”

What in faerie lovin’, infiltratin’, decapitatin’, tarnation is going on?! This season is jumbling all my emotions up and smacking me in the face every single Sunday night. This week, we lost two big characters, discovered Burrell & Co.’s master vamp-extinction plan, watched Bill do something we’ve all been waiting for since the beginning of the season and saw Sookie get down right nasty with a tied up Warlow in fae-land. Let’s get down to the dirty deets.

Sookie True BloodSookie & Warlow (#Wookie): Okay, before we get to the good stuff (or weird stuff), let’s go back to the beginning of the episode where Bill sends Warlow to stop Lafayette from drowning Sookie. Warlow light blasts LaLa just enough to kick out Daddy Stackhouse so Sookie can tell him to f*ck off and stay out of her life for good. Poof! Daddy Stacks disappears. For good, though? Who knows. Bill starts “calling” Warlow back to him and he starts vomiting blood, a-la Jessica in the season premier. Cheese and rice, Billith! Could you please be a little more gentle about it? Sookie has an idea and zaps him into the hidden fae forest and out of reach from Bill’s mind control. Nice move… except now Warlow has to be tied up so he doesn’t eat Sookie. He hasn’t fed and according to him, he can’t control himself at night. Really mother f*cker? You’ve been alive for over 5,000 years and you still can’t manage to control yourself, even when you were in dark-fae-hell for a hot minute? Warlow tells Sookie that he’s sorry she had to find out about her parents and never wanted that to happen. He says that they could be happy and run away together and it would all be over if she became his fae-vamp princess. Hmm… be a princess, hang out with a sexy guy, be eternally hot and do whatever the French you want forever OR be a waitress at Merlotte’s for the next 50-some years constantly worrying about whose coming after you next and get old and wrinkly and die. Botox is expensive, Sookie! Choose eternal life. Then, Sookie basically calls herself a slut, has Warlow feed off of her, feeds off him and then takes all her clothes off. THEN, Wookie made nookie with blood still on her damn mouth and with light beams shooting from their nether regions.

credit: tumblr

Umm… what? Why? How the f*ck did that just happen? I’m going to need predictions from you all about what the hell Sookie is doing and whether or not Warlow can be trusted?

Eric True BloodEric & The Camp Vamps: Sarah’s plan to show Burrell a bloody battle between Eric and Pam backfired. Pam acts pissed that he made another vampire (maybe she really was) and they start floating in the air. They charge, but not at each other. They kill some guards and Eric even spears one against the one-way glass, leaving a bloody hole where we see Steve Newlin trembling like a little baby on the other side. Yeah, that’s right. Eric is terrifying! Don’t mess with him. Burrell decides to prove his power over Eric by locking him up in a metal cage, bringing Nora in and infecting her with Hep V (which kills vampires). Burrell makes a statement that Nora is their first live test. Hmm… Meanwhile, Willa tells her dad to put her in with the other vampires and to stop treating her differently. Burrell is still hell-bent on trying to save her from her current state of death. Why would anyone want to be a human and not a vampire? That’s just stupid. She gets put in with the other vampires as she asks, ends up saving Nora and Eric and the three (in disguise) start trying to find their way out of the camp. Eric stumbles upon a part of the camp producing and bottling Tru Blood and notices that something “extra” is being added to it. Hep V! F*cking balls! Burrell is planning on killing off vampires by infecting every bottle of Tru Blood with the deadly virus. Well, it looks like Eric is going to make it his mission to keep this from happening. If there’s one person in the world I’d trust with my life, it’s Eric Northman, so I’m sure he’ll find a way to save the vampire race (probably along side of Bill).

BBill True Bloodill: Let’s be honest. We’ve all been hating on Bill this season, but he just completely redeemed himself. Bill realizes that Jessica has been taken to the camp and he starts freaking out. The fact that he loves her so deeply (he didn’t even get pissed when she killed those faeries) is adorable. Even though he’s in Billith mode right now, the old Bill is still in there. He asks (more like forces) Takahashi into draining him almost dry to put him into a trance so he can communicate with Lillith, and then put his blood back in the next day. Hey, desperate times call for desperate measures. When he does meet Lillith in his comatose state, she gets shitty with him for losing Warlow (the vampire race’s savior) and tells him that everything is up to him now and to stop coming to her for answers. What a biznatch. When Bill awakens, he drinks the fae blood that Takahashi was working on synthesizing, locks him up and off he goes into the sunlight. He surprises Governor Burrell and his guards outside the camp. That’s right, bitches! Billith can walk in the sun and he can’t be killed by your wooden bullets. After he uses his telekinesis mojo to make the guards kill each other, he confronts Burrell and asks for Jessica. Let’s just say things don’t go so well for Burrell. In fact, Bill BEHEADS him. That’s right. Removes his whole f*cking head in one fail swoop. GO BILL!

I did not expect that. I thought Burrell was going to be our “big bad” for the entire season. This was Bill’s redeeming moment, but now that he’s used all the faerie blood, he’s going to have to get more from Warlow or Adalind Braelin Charlene Danica (that name white trash enough for you?). Let’s hope he teams up with Eric and the others to destroy the infected Tru Blood and Sarah for that matter.

Jason True BloodJason: What a man! Jason tries to infiltrate the LAVT by telling the recruiting officer about all the f*cking fangers he’s killed and impressing him with his extensive vampire knowledge. BLAMMO! He’s in. He’s taken straight to the camp to start as a guard when in walks Sarah. She’s obviously shocked to see him and when she gets him alone, he threatens her by saying, “you stop me from saving Jess, I’ll tell everyone you’re a dirty skank.” I don’t know how much that’s going to matter now that Burrell is dead, but we’ll see. Sarah isn’t letting him off the hook easily, though. She brings him into the observation room where they throw Jessica in a room with some random vampire named James and tell them to have sex with each other… all in the name of science of course. I could have jumped through my TV screen and killed Sarah myself. Sweet Jesus, she’s meaner than a junkyard dog. Why is she such an awful person? Jason is forced to act like it doesn’t bother him to watch a frightened Jessica being told she has to have sex with James while people watch. This is just 50 shades of f*cked up. Luckily, James is a real gentlemen and says he won’t do it because Jessica is a good person who doesn’t deserve this. Even when being blasted by UV rays, James stays strong. How swoon-worthy.

Sam True BloodSam & Alcide: Abs-ide goes to visit his dad at the motel and finds that he’s bopping resident were-whore, Jenny. Classy. He tells Alcide that he recently saw Sam, Nicole and Emma. When Alcide goes to the hotel room to find them, they’re already gone. Nicole has a moment with Sam where she asks him if what he’s doing is really for Emma and if he truly thinks the right thing to do is keep her from her grandmother, Martha. Sam realizes that she should be with family and calls Martha to meet him. He says goodbye to Emma and sends her off with Martha, but not with her bag of Funyuns because Martha apparently thinks they are the devil. I feel you, Martha. Alcide catches up with Sam and Nicole and my heart started pounding because I wasn’t sure if Alcide was going to attack them or not. He hasn’t been the Alcide we know and love this season. He tells Sam and Nicole to run and get out of town and that if they show their faces in Bon Temps or Shreveport, he won’t stop his pack from killing them. I don’t know if that was nice of him or just straight shitty? If we were still in season 5, Alcide would be sticking up for Sam and helping to protect him. Too bad Alcide’s dad is watching the whole thing. I wonder if he’ll use this against Alcide to try to take over the pack. Judging by his lack of character, drinking/hooker addictions and general lack of class, I’m guessing he will.

Terry True BloodTerry & Arlene: Terry is preparing himself to die when he shows up at Lafayette’s house and asks him to take a key to his safe deposit box. Lala may have been high as a f*cking kite, but he still realizes that something is wrong with Terry. He alerts Arlene who instantly knows that he’s going to commit suicide because of the emotional baggage he’s carrying around from the war and killing Patrick. Her and Holly devise a plan to have a vampire glamour Terry into forgetting all the sad crap from his past. Brilliant! Except he’s already told his old army friend to kill him when he least expects it and now he doesn’t remember. At work the next day, Terry goes to take the trash out (whistling all care free and shit) when he gets shot and drops to the ground. Arlene runs out and holds him, rocking him as he dies and singing “hush little baby.” I can’t…

I did NOT see this coming. Well, not until after they had that cook make a point to say Terry is a good guy. Then I knew it was over. What the hell is Arlene going to do now? Where are they going to take her story and will she try to find out who shot him? R.I.P. Terry Bellefleur. We’ll miss you.

While we say goodbye to an old friend, it looks like we’ll be making new ones. As seen in the Mid-Season Trailer, vampire James will be making another appearance this season and getting frisky with Jessica. In the next episode we’ll see Sam return to Bon Temp’s against Alcide’s warning, Sarah take the reins at the camp and Eric ask Bill to heal Nora. Sound off with your thoughts and predictions. Until next time…

xoxo,

TeamTSD

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