True Blood Recap – 6×05 “F*ck The Pain Away”

I don’t mean to toot my own horn but, remember how I totally called that Warlow saved Sookie from her parents killing her in the “At Last” Recap? BLAMMO! I win.

Every week I say the episodes are just getting better and better, but it’s true. Which is why it’s no surprise that True Blood has already been renewed for a 7th season. In this episode, we follow our favorite vamps into the camp, watch Sookie and Lafayette try to contact Mama and Daddy Stackhouse and witness Andy struggle with what to do about his dead fearie children. Let’s get down to the dirt deets.

Sookie True Blood 6x05Sookie: First things first, y’all. Anna Paqiun has abs and she gave birth to twins less than a year ago. #werk. So, we start off with Sookie threatening to light-ball blast Warlow, but he drops some unexpected knowledge on her. He tells her that she doesn’t know the whole story and the night he killed her parents, it was only because they were actually trying to kill her. He also tells her that he loves her and they’re destined to be together. For some reason, he seems sincere, and I believe him and apparently so does Sookie. She goes to Lafayette and says he needs his help to uncover the truth about that night. I don’t know if this is such a good idea.

It’s also worth recalling that Lala calls her out for never actually working. Thank goodness someone other than me notices that. Armed with a slew of vintage candelabras and a fabulous silver head wrap, Lala starts to communicate with the other side. “Now listen up, dead folk!” It works a little too well, because Daddy-Stacks shows up, confesses to trying to kill Sookie and then possesses Lala. Son of a bitch! Lala always get dragged into everyone else’s mess. We learn that Warlow came to Sookie’s parents the night they died and said he wanted Sookie and would make her a princess and a vampire. They refused, and he said he’d come for her when she was of age. Sookie’s dad couldn’t imagine her being a vampire so he decided to end it now and just kill her. What a dick. Possessed-Lala puts her in his trunk, drives her to the river and starts drowning her. Sookie, your abs are somethin’ fierce honey child, but you need to start doing some upper body workouts because you should have been able to get away from possessed-Lala. How is she going to escape? Will she use her light? Will Lala snap out of it? Will someone show up and save her? I need to know!

Bill and Warlow True BloodBill: As if Bill’s power trip wasn’t bad enough, now he can summon and control the biggest, baddest vamper next to Lilith, Warlow. #awesome. Bill interrupts Sookie while she’s in the middle of fairy-light threatening Warlow and summons him to his lab, where he takes his blood. Warlow’s blood, I think, will allow vampires to walk in the daylight (since Warlow is half-fae). Here’s my dillema, though: the fae blood will still be outside of it’s host. Unless, when it’s mixed with vampire blood it changes the chemical balance? I don’t know. What I do know is I can do without Bill’s flashbacks/memories from Lilith. We see in this episode that Lilith approached Warlow back in 3500 BC while he was fetching some water in a skirt for his fae-people, and she (of course) was naked and proceeds to have sex with him and turn him into a vampire. Warlow transitions and returns to his village in 3496 BC, where he then kills everyone (a-la Niall’s story). The scene shows how Warlow spared Niall, and then surprisingly showed how Warlow hated himself for killing all the fae in the village. He goes back to a sleeping Lilith and uses his fairy light beam power to expose her to the sun and kills her. Let’s say this, Warlow is one tough mofo for killing his maker and holding on to what little goodness is left inside of him.

Jessica and Tara True BloodJessica and Tara: Oh, these two. Tara (along with Eric) lets herself be taken to the vampire camp in hopes of rescuing Pam who had been previously captured. We see some pretty effed up shit happen. First, Tara gets put in the woman-vampire wing and runs into a cracked out Jessica who is still high as a fracking kite from draining Andy’s daughters. She’s going on and on about how she might just deserve to die, and it was wrong what she did, and blah blah blah. Jessica was captured while (still freaking out) over at Jason’s. She headed to Jason’s after she tried to make out with Bill and missed being caught by Andy when he discovered his dead daughters. Jason also had another lady friend over, Sarah (aka Steve Newlin’s ex), who called in the vamp police to take her away to camp. Jessica and Tara find each other and quickly pair up. They run into some possible trouble with another power vamp who thinks they owe her a favor for stopping a group of vampires from stealing their daily blood dose. Bitch, Tara is a vampire from the Eric Northman bloodline, and Jessica is the prodigy of the risen vampire god, Lilith. #backupoffthis #checkyourself. Anyways, while this occurring…

Eric True BloodEric: Eric sacrifices himself in hopes of rescuing his number one prodigy (that’s right, I said it: NUMBER ONE). When he is brought into the prison, he is immediately studied with some messed up experiments. He gets put in a room with three other vampires and they’re doing some f*cking “last man standing” game where they are given weapons to use against each other. I’m guessing this was to test their reflexes or something. Right, like any of those jokers hold a flame to Eric mother-f*cking Northman.

Baddie Bey knows whats up. Anyways, Eric wins the death game, and then gets put in another interrogation room where he is expected to kill another vampire…PAM!!!

Pam True BloodPam: Pam sees a lot of the experiments at vampire prison as she’s brought in: sex tests, fang removal, and the most intriguing: therapy. I know Pam’s in prison, but I actually enjoyed these scenes. Pam is forced to see a psychiatrist while in the camp, and the weird old guy “counseling” her tells her that if she doesn’t comply, she’ll be shot. He also bribes her into sharing her “feelings” by saying he’ll give her a human to suck blood from if she answers his questions truthfully. She obliges, and some pretty lady named Sun let’s her drain her neck until Pam’s belly is full. The therapist dude proceeds to ask Pam if she is upset about being released from her maker. Pam quickly retorts and says she doesn’t give a f*ck about him. Uh huh…right…

source: Photobucket user library, drillerkillerrr

Pam then gets taken and put in a room where she is expected to fight her one true love and maker, Eric, to the death. Oh sweet Jesus. Let’s all be serious, though, ain’t nobody going to kill Eric or Pam. Right?

Andy and Holly True Blood 6x05Andy: This story line is seriously tragic. Andy arrives at Bill’s house (he literally yells out, “Vampire Bill”) to save his daughters but he’s too late. He finds them all dead on the floor in the house. He’s devastated… but WAIT! One is still breathing. Can we get a name for her yet? He takes her to the station where he finds some confiscated V in a closet. Mad props to Andy for being an ex V addict and being able to resist it when it’s just feet away. Giving her V works and she tells him it was Jessica that ate them. When he brings her home, Holly is there to comfort him and talk him down from marching over to Bill’s and killing them. What’s a dad to do? Of course he wants revenge and justice, but he’s helpless in this situation. Seeing Andy cry is like watching 15 crying kittens stuck in a tree. I have a feeling Andy’s not letting this one go.

Sarah: This dumb bitch is just trying to wife up the governor and have his baby. Well, bad timing, hooker. He is too #bizzy grieving his un-dead daughter. Personally, I would be rejoicing if my kin was made into an eternal badass by Eric Northman. Anyways, the governor shuts Sarah down saying she can’t replace Willa. Sarah then proceeds to head to Jason’s house where she seduces him into bed. I’m thinking she’s trying to get knocked up by anyone she can and pretend it’s the governor’s baby. Thoughts? After Sarah called the vamp police on Jessica, she heads back to the prison camp and brings Governor Burrell into a room where he can see Eric in another one of those damn interrogation chambers. Burrell talks to him and is PISSED about what he did. Eric’s shocked when he finds out that his plan backfired, and that Burrell put Willa in the prison. This is when Burrell and the other vamp-haters then put Pam in the same room with Eric to kill each other. WTF?! Dear Sarah…

Jason True BloodJason: Jason just can’t catch a break when it comes to women. As mentioned, Sarah shows up on his doorstep looking for a good time. Remember their romp at the fellowship? #awkward. She gives him some bullshit about wanting to save his soul, “I used to beat my self up something fierce when I thought about you.” Really? That’s the best you got? She follows up with, “I truly believe God wants me to f*ck you.” So… they do. Like I said, this bitch just wants to get knocked up and pretend it’s Burrell’s baby.

source: tumblr.com/chocolatevenom

After the whole debacle when Jess shows up and gets called a demon whore and then taken to camp, Jason decides to go undercover with the vamper police. At least, I think he’s undercover. Jason still doesn’t know that he was glamoured after Warlow nearly killed his grandpa Niall, so maybe next week we will see him uncover that.

Alcide True Blood 6x05Alcide: He shows up at some sleazy bar and gets propositioned by a hooker. He turns her down and describes two people that he’s looking for, Sam and Nicole. She hasn’t seen them so he asks another werewolf in the bar who politely responds with a, “f*ck you.” Alcide’s dad is with him and asks if he’s looking for them because it’s right or because of his new main bitch, Rikki. Alcide takes major offense to that and knocks him down, telling him he’s the pack master and he better respect him. He takes the public disgrace even further by throwing money at him for a cab. Listen here, buddy. I’ve about had it with you. Sure, your dad is kind of a scum bag, but you would have never done this before you were pack master. You wouldn’t be hunting Sam down either. I want the old Alcide back! Later, we see that Alcide’s papa spots Nicole and Sam outside the motel. Oh, great. Let’s hope he doesn’t tell Alcide he saw them to get back in his good graces.

Other happenings in this episode were that it looks like Nicole might be regretting her romp with Sam the night before, and Terry is asking an old Marine buddy to kill him when he least expects it because he can’t deal with the guilt of killing Patrick. Get over it already, both of you!

Next week, Pam finds out Eric made another vampire and she’s not happy, Governor Burrell holds onto hope that he can fix Willa, Bill realizes that Jessica and the others are in the camp and Eric looks at Newlin through a bloody peephole (whose blood is it?). Until next time… #FangsOut

xoxo,

TeamTSD

source for all non-labeled title photos – http://imhereforsookie.tumblr.com/

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