True Blood Recap – 6×03 “You’re No Good”

Sookie, Jason and Niall

Hot. Damn. That episode was incredible. Is it just me or are they getting better every week? And can I just say that Anna Paquin looks FIERCE this season. Twins say what? I needed to get that off my chest. This week, Eric has Willa Burrell and he’s using her to piss off the Governor. Could Willa be smitten by her captor though? Meanwhile, Fae King Niall is on a mission to find Warlow before he finds Sookie and Sook has an encounter with a Billith who’s totally lost his marbles. Let’s get down to the dirty deets.

sookSookie: Sookie is continuing her streak as a fierce independent woman, and I’m loving it. Even though her life is in grave danger, (you know, being hunted by the most evil, powerful vampire in the universe), she still runs out in the woods in the middle of the night to make sure her brother is OK. Jason is having some sort of painful head spells, and they always seem to happen when Niall thinks Warlow is close. Not sure what da fucque is going on there, but you know it’s leading up to some heavy shit. Especially since Jason is passed out at the end of the episode. Sook also stands up for herself against Vampire Bill, I mean immortal Billith God. Billith shows up and walks right into Sookie’s house, uninvited! So, looks like Bill can do anything now after drinking Lillith’s blood, except use good manners. Bill tells Sookie he needs to harvest her fae blood…and she reacts as any girl would to a demand like that.

When Sookie tells Bill to get the f*ck out of her house for the millionth time, he tells her that she is dead to him, and then kindly leaves. What an asshole. If you think about it, though, he can’t be that far gone. A truly evil minion of Lillith would have told Sookie to suck on his telepathic balls and taken her anyways to harvest her blood. The fact that he respected Sook’s wishes and left leaves me to believe he still loves her. Maybe Sookie will be his saving grace? Maybe Bill will be the only one powerful enough to defeat Warlow and save her? Maybe they will save EACH OTHER?! Oh, this is just too much.

Dean Winchester…*sigh*

Let’s just dive into that right now before my head explodes.

BillBill: He is fifty shades of crazy right now. He’s convinced that he won’t burn in the sun now that’s he’s Lillith reincarnation, and Jess is begging him to come inside the house before the sun comes up. Bill refuses though, and stands in the sun with his arms out and much to his surprise… he guessed wrong! He bursts into a ball of fire and runs into the house. Well, at least we know there is a limit to his powers. There are two things we need to discuss about Bill. One is how shitty he was to Sookie by busting in her house and breaking her Grandma’s fine china. Listen, I know he has a reason for wanting her faerie blood, and he wants to stop the Governor from killing the entire vampire population but he was a dick to her. He told her she was dead to him now. That’s harsh. But like I said, I was sure he was going to forcefully take her blood.The second thing we need to discuss about Bill, is that he has to be the key to killing Warlow. Only Warlow could kill Lillith because he was her progeny, so we can only assume that Bill will kill Warlow since he’s some spawn of Lillith, too. Killing Warlow could redeem him from his crazy Billith antics and erratic behavior. I’m predicting a showdown with Bill and Sookie teaming up against Warlow in the finale. He’s probably also the only key to actually stopping the Governor since he has the powers of every mutant currently living in Xavier’s School For Gifted Youngsters, including Professor X. #redemption

JessicaJessica: Jessica literally lost her shit when Bill stood out in the sun. When he did burst into flames, she had to be thinking, “I f*cking told you so.” When he tries to leave the house past curfew, she asks to come with him but he tells her to stay inside. Jess gives him a speech about how she wants to help him and he needs to trust her, so he sends her on a mission to find a professor who was responsible for synthesizing Tru Blood. She’s up for the task! She walks into his lecture in a sassy school girl outfit (because Bill tells her he’s essentially a perve) and catches his eye immediately. After class she talks to him about helping tutor her until everyone has left the classroom and then she attacks. I don’t even feel bad for that dude. He’s straight nasty, and he has no shame. Okay, so we now know that Bill wants this guy to synthesize fae blood for him, but for what exactly? How is he going to use it to save the vampire race? Feed it to all the vampires to give them more power? Would that really be enough to defeat the Governor?

NiallNiall: Niall was #bizzy in this episode. He went to the fae club in the meadow to build an army to defeat Warlow…but all he found was dead faeries! AH! Warlow ransacked the club, and Niall found this out by using their blood to see what happened. It was awful. There was one poor fairy who was on his last breath, and Niall had to put him down. #BurdonOfBeingKing. When Sookie and Jason asked Niall what happened, he didn’t have much to say other than that they were on their own.

Just when Niall thinks he only has Jason to rely on (yikes), he runs into half-fae Ben near the meadow. He brings Ben up to speed on the fae club and asks if he’ll join in the fight against Warlow. Ben offers to help, but we all know it’s because he has the hots for Sookie. #typical. We then see Niall dive off into the woods outside of Sookie’s house thinking Warlow is near, when really it is Nora. What is that little bitch up to? Niall clearly doesn’t know who she is, and we end with Jason passing out in another seizure fit. Seriously, what is going on there?!

Eric & WillaEric: Eric totally played the leader in this episode. He is recognizing that the vampires can’t just attack, they need to play the war against humans intelligently, per his quote, “The world is changing, Pam, and we need to change with it.” While I’d prefer a world of badass vampire over almost ANYTHING, I totally get why Eric is trying to be smart. I mean, the humans have glamour-proof contacts for crying out loud! Eric takes Willa (the governor’s daughter), and Pam and Tara from Fangtasia (I refuse to believe that place is closed for good), and they run to Ginger’s place to hide. Ginger may be a dumb, slutty meth-head, but she’s a good friend to Eric, so she’s alright by me. We learn here that Willa is a naughty girl who secretly loves vampires (her mother apparently did, too-she cheated on her hubby with one), and Eric brushes her off like a feather in the wind. Nothing like sharing some awkward coffin time with a thousand year-old vampire that shuts down your intimate approach with, “put the duct-tape back on.” #fail

We then see Eric threatening the governor to end this human/vampire war, or he’ll kill his daughter. The governor traces Eric’s “untraceable” phone to Ginger’s, and Pam, Tara, Eric and Willa all high-tail it for who know’s where. Eric’s had a thousand years to prepare for this shit, though, so I’m not worried. He’s got this.

SamSam: Crazy Nicole from “save all supes” or whatever the heck their group is called, shows up at Sam’s place to apologize for being intrusive and annoying. Ironically, her being there and apologizing was…intrusive and annoying. She and her even more rude boyfriend tell Sam and Lala they only have good intentions, and that they aren’t trying to cause any trouble. Aww…that’s kind of cute. They think after all the batshit craziness Sam and Lala have been through, that they can actually help in some way. Sam and Lala pretty much tell the Scooby gang to eff off, and they don’t seem too happy. They ask the boys all defensively, “is that a threat?” Lala responds appropriately.

Sam finally gets Nicole and her posse to leave, and Lala tells Sam he wants to do what he can to help. Gotta love that fierce man.

Nicole and crew decide they need to pester and annoy another part of the supe family, and they think they can hang with the big dogs (pun intended) and decide to show up at Alcide’s pack to preach the word. Pretty sure it only took about five seconds before Nicole and her group regretted that decision. While they were being attacked by the werewolves hulking out, Sam was lurking in the distance shifted as an owl waiting for the right moment to snatch Emma. When the wolves were distracted, Sam made his move to get Emma. On their way out, they noticed Nicole limping into the woods from Rikki biting her. Luckily, Alcide stopped her from ripping her to shreds. Sam and Emma follow Nicole into the woods and lead her to safety. Are we about to see a Sam v. Alcide showdown?

AlcideAlcide: I think he’s taken this whole Pack Master thing a little bit too far. Something about Alcide has changed this season, and even though he’s a still a good guy, I don’t think I like it. I mean, he straight jacked Emma from Sam and Lala and he wasn’t nice about it. Rikki, Alcide and Martha have Emma at Martha’s house when the cops showing up looking for her. Alcide and Rikki go out to talk to them but they insist on talking to Martha themselves. Rikki’s crazy ass goes inside and tells Emma she doesn’t f*cking care if she’s scared, she’s going to f*cking shift. I mean, it was necessary for her to shift into puppy-Emma but DAYUM, bitch was harsh. The cops come in and only see Rikki with a puppy (Haha-tricked yah!) so they leave. Rikki proceeds to say, in front of Emma, that she’s a liability to the pack and they never should have brought her here. Emma is going to need a lifetime of therapy. Alcide gets pissed and tells her that they protect their own and the girl stays. Martha makes Rikki bow down to Alcide. Is that shit seriously necessary? I think what’s pissing me off about Alcide is that he’s LETTING people bow to him. Come on now. What happened to equality and treating others the way you want to be treated? Emma is the least of their problems right now though. Remember how Nicole and her posse show up? The werewolves realize they have cameras. God, they’re seriously idiots. One kid even talks smack to a were (da fucque was he thinking?). Even though Alcide kept Rikki from killing Nicole, I’m still not loving him right now. Maybe if he’s shirtless the entire next episode, he can redeem himself. Maybe!

Andy & HollyAndy: Holly comes to Andy about a vampire problem she’s having. Them fangers been scarin’ her chitlins. Andy being the stand up dude that he is, takes her into the woods to practice shooting. Also in attendance are his four faerie children, looking like they’re about to enter middle school already. Andy never even named the poor things. He just calls them, “1, 2, 3 and 4.” Nice. While Andy’s teaching Holly to aim, the kids start blasting shit with their light beams. “Hand lasers off!” Holly seems weirdly at ease around Andy and his freaky children, and when he tells her he wants back in her life, she doesn’t really shoot him down. Now, let’s bring this shit full circle. Andy is on patrol when he sees Bill walking home from Sookie’s house and tells him even though he doesn’t agree with the new laws against vampers, he needs to abide by the curfew. Bill notices the stuffed animal in Andy’s passenger seat which prompts Sheriff Bellefleur to tell him all about his FOUR fae children. Bill gets this look on this face (slightly serial killer-esque), but Andy doesn’t pick up on it because…well, it’s Andy. Inside, Bill is jumping up and down and screaming, “F*CK YEAH” because he’s about to farm the shit out of those fae-babe’s blood. Finally, the awkward Maurella and Andy story line has a purpose, bringing Andy into the main plot. Way to go Team True Blood!

NewlinNewlin and Sarah: There’s not much to say here, except Newlin is being held captive at the governor’s vampire camp, and he had a really awkward, passive-aggressive encounter with his ex-wife, Sarah. Sarah is apparently in politics, and she made a shit ton of money off a book about how her ex-hubby turned to the dark side and took all her money. Well, I don’t hate a woman for trying to make a living, but I am NOT down with the vamper torture camp. I’d like to quickly comment on how fierce her hair was though. The higher the hair, the closer to Jesus, y’all.

Here’s how I’m feeling about this season so far…

*happy dance* I’m stoked. Here’s why: They are FINALLY bringing everyone’s story lines together instead of having multiple, disjointed plots. Every single character is going to affected by this human/supe war in one way or another. Even poor Andy, who tends to mind his own business, is getting dragged into this. It feels like every character has a purpose this year and a part to play. I love it. With an impending war and Governor Burrell more pissed off than ever, things are about to hit the fan. Also, marinate on this for a second: What if Ben is Warlow? I mean, he mysteriously never made it to the fae club and therefore didn’t die? Sookie said she could “feel” him more than any other fae and she mind-melded with Warlow in Season 5. Warlow/Ben could have either grabbed a razor and shucked his nasty ass beard, or maybe he can shift into other forms. Just throwing it out there. Leave your thoughts and predictions.

Next week, Bill continues to be creepy and think he’s better than everyone else, Warlow is still lurking, and more drama ensues. Until next time… #FangsOut

xoxo,

TeamTSD

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