Usually, my favorite thing about writing Vampire Diaries recaps is gushing over Klaus’s amazingness… so I’m in hybrid heaven right now. “The Originals” pilot served up some serious drama and introduced us to some colorful new characters. I couldn’t be more thrilled about the fact this show is set in New Orleans. Full of life, boisterous and with a little darker of a plot, “The Originals” has a very different feel and vibe than the Vampire Diaries. It’s more mature (obviously, since no one’s in high school) and shows a different side of the supernatural world than we’ve ever seen before. We, for one, thoroughly enjoyed it and are crossing our fingers that it gets picked up by The CW. In this episode, we followed Klaus to New Orleans, witnessed some serious Jerry Springer shit, and got to look at Marcel’s face on and off for a full hour. Let’s get down to the dirty deets.
Klaus: Klaus strolls into NOLA like the muh f*cker never even left. I mean, he OWNED the town…300 years ago. Marcel seems to have taken over. No, like seriously, that fine piece of ass took over the whole damn city. Klaus starts to realize that Marcel is like the Don Corleone of Bourbon Street. Marcel, as any respectable vamp would do to his sire, welcomes Klaus with open arms. I picked up REAL quick that Marcel is taking the, “keep your friends close and your enemies closer,” approach. When your enemy is an immortal hybrid, that’s kind of your only option. Klaus needs to find some witch (Jane Anne), who ultimately is ALSO trying to find him. #Convenient. That witch casts a spell with her sister, and unbeknownst to Klaus, witches aren’t allowed to do that shit. Klaus finds this out when he asks Marcel to help him locate this witch, to which Marcel replies, “oh, sure bro! I already have her!” Marcel then publicly executes her in the middle of the street for breaking the rules of witchcraft. Um…OK? Klaus hides his frustration, because he clearly doesn’t want to give away his agenda to Marcel.
But Klaus isn’t the only one with a hidden agenda…and secrets. Marcel has the witches tied around his sexy little fingers (I mean, wouldn’t you be?), and Klaus wants to know how and why. Back in the day, witches were all on Klaus’s junk, and now they’re afraid to take a shit without getting a bathroom pass from Marcel and crew. Marcel also shared the daylight ring secret with his posse of wannabes. Klaus was like DA FUCQUE? Mother f*cker better respect his elders. Actually, let me rephrase that. He needs to respect THE elders. Klaus is an ORIGINAL vampire, and not to mention, the ORIGINAL hybrid. Oh, I’m sorry, did you lose your copy of Webster’s? That mean’s he is immortal. He can’t be killed. By anything. Yeah, he’s cooler than you. He can go into a sauna at the YMCA, blow himself up, and have a thousand little wooden stakes explode into him, and all he needs to do is exhale. #stakesblowout #hesalive. Klaus reminded Marcel of this little fact when he bit one of his, “day-walkers.” “I CAN’T BE KILLED.” Who’s the king now?
Then came the real shocker of the night that has half of The Vampire Diaries fandom so enraged they decided to send death threats to Phoebe Tonkin (really people?), and the other half intrigued by where Julie Plec is going with this. We’re obviously with the latter. So, on this episode of Maury, Elijah leads Klaus into an alley and is confronted by Sophie. In walks his werewolf one-night stand, Hayley. Shit goes down like this…
Klaus: “Da fucque is going on here?”
Sophie: “I can tell when people are pregnant. You’re Hayley’s baby daddy.”
Klaus: “Oh, hell naw! That’s not my baby.”
Sophie: “Yup. It is.”
Hayley: “Totally is.”
Sophie: “You better help us take out Marcel because their lives are in my hands. We’ll kill her.”
Hayley: “I’m sorry, say what?”
Klaus: “Interesting… don’t care. Deuces.”
Klaus is acting like he could care less whether Hayley and his baby die and frankly, he looked really immature. He’s fighting his human feelings and coming off like a bigger baby than his unborn hybrid fetus. Here’s something to celebrate, though. He called Caroline and told her that he wishes she’d let him show her New Orleans! I about died. She probably deleted the message as soon as she listened to it. I mean, I know what I’d be doing if Klaus left me a voicemail…
Anyways, Klaus had another emotional moment when he saw a bunch of street performers and painters being cultured and classy in the New Orleans’ starlight. He ran into Camille, or “Cami”, the bartender from earlier. He and Cami shared a classy moment where she pointed out all his insecurities and secret desires. This ultimately led Klaus to a bench in a plaza somewhere to contemplate his meaning in the world, and Elijah, fittingly, joined him in a suit. They talked about how they’re family, and they need to stick together, and Klaus finally admitted to helping the cause of taking over New Orleans (and taking ownership of impregnating Hayley). Phew!
Marcel: Is it possible to fall in love with someone this quickly? I mean, if the show doesn’t get picked up, I’d like to request that Julie write another show centered around Marcel where we just watch him hang out in New Orleans doing karaoke and bossing people around in his fitted T’s. Anyone else down for that? Anyway, Marcel is Klaus’s prodigy. Even though Marcel is downright nasty and rules by fear (like his father taught him to), he’s a charismatic leader and shit runs smoothly in New Orleans. Everyone knows their place and Marcel is the king. Klaus tries to test his authority with all of Marcel’s people watching him, but Marcel bites back. He tells Klaus that this town belongs to him and everyone plays by his rules or they die. He’s not about to let Klaus come in and make a mockery of him. That didn’t work out so well for his friend, as we already know Klaus infected him with his were-juice. Everything’s all gravy by the end of the episode though. Klaus gives the dude his blood to cure him and tells Marcel he knows it’s his town and he’ll respect that. Yeah, we hope Marcel isn’t stupid enough to believe that shit. #MoreMarcel
Hayley: So, you’re a werewolf but your instincts didn’t tell you something was wrong when your map went up in flames and your car stopped working in the middle of a freaking swamp? Get your game up. She looked pretty distraught over the fact that she was pregnant with Klaus’s baby. Listen up, Hayley! You should be honored. That baby will be like royalty. It’s guaranteed to be hot as hell and a complete bad ass. It’ll probably come home from the hospital wearing a fine Italian leather jacket and Ray Bans. #Appreciate. I do feel pretty bad for her right now though. Her life is in the hands of someone whose claiming not to give a rat’s ass about her. I doubt a romantic relationship will form between her and Klaus, but I hope he ends up caring enough to help save her life and the life of his child. Could this be Klaus’s chance for redemption?
Elijah: I’ve said it once, and I will keep saying it until the end of time. Elijah is the classiest mother f*cker on the planet. Supernatural creatures, humans, inanimate objects; He’s above them all. Not only is he loyal and noble as shit, just look at his freaking bone structure for crying out loud! The guy’s cheek bones – dare I say it – rival those of Ian Somerhalder. No, I am not kidding. Look how he buttons his suit jacket? Look at it! No man does that unless he means business. Plus, he is on trend. He’s rocking a charcoal suit. That’s so southern chic and totally in style right now. No wonder Katherine is all over his nuts. I mean, come on. Wouldn’t you want to be a Real Housewife of the Original family? Just ask this bitch:
Anyways, Elijah was left to pick up the pieces (of course) of Klaus’s path of emotional destruction. Elijah sees the ultimate goal: take over New Orleans, and he and Katherine can be bosses and live in some baller ass mansion next to Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett. #BenjaminButton #WatchItIfYouHavent #GetOnOurLevel
Could you imagine game night with those two couples? Moving on… Elijah had to kiss his love, Katherine, goodbye because he realizes what’s important right now: getting his family back together. The guy is a class act. Did you also notice that he was in a perfectly tailored suit the whole time? And I still can’t get over that bouffant hair. I love when he ripped those joker’s heart’s out, too. He still maintained his dapper, composed persona. Elijah never loses his cool. He is thoughtful, rational, and sexual as hell. PLEASE CW! PICK UP ‘THE ORIGINALS’ FOR FALL 2013!
Back in Mystic Falls: Elena remained emotionless and unfed (Damon gave her a bag of vervained-blood to kick-start the torture-back-to-humanity process), Rebekah whined about Klaus and the cure, and Katherine looked bored while spitting riddles about being lonely and the meaning of life and blah blah. I’m actually thinking that maybe Rebekah won’t want the cure when she realizes that she could just jack Klaus and Hayley’s baby and raise it as her own. Then, she’ll have the family she always wanted without having to turn into a measly human. #problemsolved. #yourewelcome.
Just give us next week’s episode and the official green light for “The Originals” spinoff. I thought last night’s episode completely RULED, and I’ll be honest, I was skeptical at first but it was definitely amazing. Although, I love J.Plec and crew so much they could probably make a show about zombie ants that take over a town of unicorns on Jupiter and I’d watch it. So, what did you guys think? Are you excited about the possibility of “The Originals”? Leave your thoughts and comments below! Until next time… #FangsOut