Goodness gracious great balls of parent-eating zombies in tragic sweaters. While this episode was actually one of the funniest (Sally is witty as hell and I love her), it was also pretty damn depressing. I mean, Stevie? Nick? Pete? Stevie’s parents! In this episode, Aidan and Kat run into someone from her past, Sally and Josh try to help Stevie and fail, and flashback Aidan rocks some seriously sweet facial hair. Let’s get down to the dirty deets.
Aidan: In the beginning of the episode, Sally tells Aidan she thinks he’s “backed up”. Meaning, he needs to get horizontal with Kat real quick. Oh, Sally. You’re such a good friend. #GreatAdvice. So, Aidan goes on a date with Kat in this episode. First, she takes him to the library where she shows him an old-ass book written by Edmondson Waite (something like that). He says that’s his great-great-great-great-grandfather, which really means it’s his dad. While at the library, Kat spies someone from her past. Her ex! She tells Aidan that she dated him when he was her professor in college. I’m pretty sure that’s illegal, right? They can’t avoid talking to him though, and we see that he has a new girlfriend who’s also a college student. Dude knows what he likes. After that uncomfortable run-in, Kat says she needs to go somewhere with alcohol. I’m starting to like this girl. So, they’re chilling having some drinks and then they get into a seriously deep conversation for barely knowing each other. Kat starts talking about the ex they just met and she’s like, “He didn’t want anymore kids.” Aidan’s like, “I’m sterile.” Kat, “That sucks. I’m sorry.” Aidan, “No bigs.” That’s really all I got from it, but it was awkward. It’s kind of great that they get into a deep convo, because after all that Aidan’s been through, he needs someone who isn’t superficial and one-dimensional and it’s probably comforting to know that he’s not the only one with baggage. Granted, his baggage is a little bit heavier and packed full of blood bags and people he’s murdered, but whatever. When Aidan’s leaving they start making out but he gets the black vamp eyes and leaves, making Kat feel slightly dejected. Don’t worry though! He has a blood bag on him, drinks it behind a bush and then goes back to Kat’s so they can get it on. I really f*cking hope Aidan carries mouthwash with him or something, because that’s so unsanitary and disgusting.
All’s good in the hood right? NOT! He apparently blacks out and when he wakes up (in an alley) he walks away not realizing that he ate Kat’s ex, who’s lying dead in the street. Yikes! This is the vampire equivalent of eating a whole pie in the middle of the night while you’re sleeping and not remembering it. It happens. What the hell is going on with him?
Throughout the episode, we also see flashbacks of Aidan and his wife trying to conceive. They struggle for a while and he has to deal with a jackass pastor getting up in his face about him being a dark soul that shouldn’t procreate or some shit like that. How rude. Aidan hits the joker and his wife gets pissed about it. Really? You’re going to let that ass-hat talk to your husband like that? Whatever. Finally, his wife is giving birth in the other room and he’s praying that she and the baby make is through safe and sound. Alas! He hears the baby crying and when he goes in there, his wife looks freaking amazing for just popping out a babe and his new son is perfect. #Success. Seeing Aidan that happy isn’t something we’ve seen before and I loved it. Oh, and PS, I want to braid Aidan’s flashback chops.
Sally: She has her rot spot back in this episode since she cut herself off the raw meat diet cold turkey. She goes to see Zoe, who’s just killed Nick because he tried to eat her. Zoe asks her not to come around anymore because she’s worried that Sally will eat her too. I don’t blame the girl. That’s a legitimate fear. Sally does her a favor though, and enlisting the help of Josh, buries Nick’s body in the woods. Shit! What about Stevie? Josh goes with her to Stevie’s parent’s house to scope out the situation. They find Stevie there alone, and while Stevie bullshits them about where his parents are, they eventually realize that he ate them. Ew. We can see how hopeless Sally is in this moment, realizing that she will probably turn into the same monster with no control over her actions. I understand what she’s going though, because I wouldn’t want to eat my friends and family either. #Relatable. She mourns Stevie’s death for a bit until she gets a strong hankering for that arm in the kitchen cabinet. Nom nom nom. I feel like the whole eating people thing doesn’t have to be all bad. Here’s an idea. Only eat people who are doing evil in the world and deserve to die anyway. Then, you’re a zombie exacting justice on the world and keeping the streets safe. It’s a win-win. Watch the first few seasons of Dexter and tell me what you think.
Josh: How does Josh always get stuck doing the worst shit for his friends. He helped Sally bury a body in the woods. He is about one corpse burial away from making this a part-time job. When someone needs help disposing of a body and thinks, “Oh, I know. I’ll call Josh,” you know you have a problem. He also backs her up when she goes to find Stevie and of course, has to be the one to discover an arm in a cabinet. Even though it’s a tough call, Josh realizes that he needs to help Stevie end his life. He gives a speech about how, in order to survive in the world they live in, they have to make hard decisions. #truth. #preachit. Josh gives Sally a pep talk and tells her they’ll figure something out for her. Can I please have Josh as my best friend? He’s amazing. After Josh is done helping her out, he goes back to Pete’s for their meditation date only to find that some vamps are feeding on him. Pete! NO! They knock Josh out, but not before he hears them say how he and Nora are “off-limits”. Watching Pete die was actually heart breaking. Pete was a quality f*cking dude and he was going to help Josh come to peace with his wolf. I hope this doesn’t put Aidan and Josh at odds when he finds out he told Blake.
Stevie: Stevie is at his parent’s house (in a god-awful sweater) when Sally and Josh come to make sure his family’s still alive. Stevie blows them some shit about how his parents are away and he knows they won’t be coming back. Yeah, they won’t be coming back because he ate them. I repeat, STEVIE ATE HIS PARENTS. Looks like he needs a “hand” keeping his hunger under control. Ha! No? There’s no coming back from this shit. It’s all down hill after you eat your mom and dad. He also ate a harmless US Postal Service Worker. #UncalledFor. Josh helped Stevie kill himself which was actually tragic to watch. We see Stevie as a ghost and he tells Sally thank you for giving him another chance to live. His door appears and he says she was her best friend. How sweet. He walks through, but Sally sees the same golden shell on his door that was on Nick’s. Doors are never supposed to be the same. What the hell is going on? Hmm… I think it has to do with Donna. Why? Because she’s a sneaky bitch. I wasn’t really that sad to see Stevie go, but it was awful seeing Sally so upset about it. RIP Stevie.
My one problem with this episode? No Nora. I need to see her face at least a little bit each week! We’re going to see the fallout next week from those werewolves eating Pete. Him and Josh formed a bond very quickly, and Pete was a stand up guy that didn’t deserve to die. Nora will probably be especially pissed and blame it on Aidan because that’s just how she rolls. We also didn’t see Bubble Boy in this episode, but we’ll be revisiting his quest to become a creature of the night and make Aidan’s life suck soon I’m sure. Oh, and where the hell is Max? #Sax reunion please! In next week’s episode, “If I Only Had Raw Meat”, Sally tells Nora she’s food, Josh and Nora are apparently about to get married the next day and Aidan comes across something he’s never seen before. Until next time… #FangsOut