Holy freaking clown car full of zombies. This episode was balls to the wall. I was having serious chest pains during the last 15 minutes. Shit is bad for Team Prison right now. Real bad. In this episode, Rick goes on a soul quest in the woods, Daryl teaches Merle the difference between Chinese and Korean, and Lori continues to f*ck shit up even from beyond the grave. Let’s get down to the dirty deets.
Rick: Before I even go into his Lori hallucinations, let me just point out that he is completely neglecting that baby. It’s annoying as shit, but it’s still yours Rick (we think). Thank the Lord everyone else in the prison is willing to take care of it. Carl is no doubt concerned about his dad too, but I’m sure he sees his father’s dive off the deep end as a chance for advancement to group leader. #CorporateLadder. Rick wanders off into the woods because he sees Grecian Lori on the other side of the fence. When Hershel hobbles out to ask him what the french toast he’s doing, he says “stuff”. Rick says he’s waiting for something and he thinks the fact that he is seeing Shane and Lori must mean something. Really?
I’ll tell you what it “means” Rick. It means that all the head trauma and mental stress you’ve endured since you woke up in that damn hospital bed is finally taking its effect. You REALLY think that you can endure all that and not suffer some sort of brain malfunction? #FatChance. By the way, I don’t know why Rick still refuses to listen to Hershel. How many times does Hershel have to drop his one-legged wisdom on Rick before he realizes he should just do what he says? #DaddyHershKnowsBest. Rick did step up when his group was under attack by the Gov, though. He was trying to be sneaky in that tall grass, doing what he could from a distance to contribute to the fight. Daryl had to save his ass because he was about two seconds away from having a highly unsanitary, full-on make out sesh with a couple of walkers. Rick’s face at the end of the episode, when the Gov finally retreated, was awesome. He’s pissed!
Rick’s going to be out for blood. F*ck yeah! Get em’ Rick! We just have to hope when he comes face-to-face with the Gov, he doesn’t get distracted by his visions of Lori. She’s dead and she’s still ruining everything. #NotSurprised.
Daryl: THE BOW IS BACK. I slapped myself in the face for a solid hour last night. Just when I thought Daryl couldn’t be more of a f*cking man, last night happened. Not only does he single-handedly take out a bridge of Walkers and save a crying child and it’s parents, he stood up to his dick head big brother and made it back to #TeamPrison in time to save (what’s left of) Rick. #PURE.F*CKING.MAN. I just can’t say that enough. When Merle ripped Daryl’s shirt off, we got a glimpse of some scars. I need that “back” story ASAP. So, now that the whole gang is back, Merle and all, what will happen next? I wonder if Daryl coming back and them getting attacked was the kick in the face that Rick needed to shape his shit up. Daryl will do anything he can for family, and that’s exactly what those people are. I am itching for a Daryl/Carol reunion scene, though. I still want to see where they take that. Regardless, their love is pure, genuine, and makes me want to vomit all over my clearance Target throw that I cuddle with every Sunday night. #truth.
Merle: You are a stupid little nincompoop. You convince Daryl to leave his group for you, and then you act like a grade-A asshole. Robbing someone’s car when they have a baby? I mean, really? #DickMove. What a waste of Daryl’s time. I had high hopes for you at the beginning of this season. You ARE Daryl’s blood, so I thought maybe you had just an ounce of the amazing-ness that he has pumping through your veins, but you don’t. You might be hopeless after all. Your only saving grace is that you slayed some zombies outside the prison in order to help Rick. You have major ass-kissing to do if you hope to stay in that prison. Merle, for your own safety, I highly recommend you start fashioning a new nub blade like… yesterday. Being one-armed isn’t going to go well for you if you have to go up against Rick and gang OR the Gov. Jazz that f*cking nub back up. P.S. Thank you for tearing Daryl’s shirt off even if your intention wasn’t to make me hot and bothered. #NotSorry.
The Gov: He’s done lost it. He tells Andrea that she can’t leave for the prison because Woodbury needs her and tells her that he’s not fit to lead the town anymore. He’s a lying sack of dog shit. He heads to the prison after he tells her that he won’t retaliate, unloading a truck full of walkers inside the gates and making it rain bullets up in there, Rambo style. He’s seriously psychotic. He had no fear during the ambush scene. None! I want a flashback of his childhood. I’m going to guess it involved burning ants with a magnifying glass everyday at recess at the children’s wing of a psychiatric ward. He is straight emotionless. I think it’s because he’s going through Penny-hair-brushing withdrawals. But who knows? Maybe he still brushes her hair even though she has a gaping hole in her face and a blood-stained cardigan. I wouldn’t put it past him. Anyway, he wants the prison and he wants Rick and Co. dead and gone. #EyeOnThePrize (just the one). Oh, and can the Gov please get a legit eye patch instead of that piece of gauze Scotch taped to his face? A proper villain needs a proper patch for his peeper.
Andrea: As if she wasn’t on an obnoxious power trip already, the Gov fueled the fire even more by telling her she should just run Woodbury. While he’s grieving his dead zombie daughter and being half-blind, he wants her to take over the town? #DAFUCQUE. I can’t even stand this. I hate this almost as much as I hate #Gandrea getting sideways in his lair-o-heads. Girl, you’re better than this! You know how you could redeem yourself, Andrea? Going back where you f*cking belong. With your people! Head to #TeamPrison and defend that bitch. It’s a PRISON for crying out loud. The damn place was built so no one could get in or out. I’m sure they’ll even give you your own cell block so you can be all depressed and power-tripping in there. Just don’t think we’ll stand for you banging rando crazies up in that place. Lil’ Ass Kicker needs a good environment to grow up in, and your poor life decisions will only damper that. Straighten up. I’m looking forward to you joining #TeamPrison next week and redeeming yourself. Don’t disappoint me. Like, seriously.
Glaggie: Glenn is doing the best he can, but let’s be honest. He ain’t no Sheriff Rick (pre-hallucinations). Glenn is running on pure frustration and isn’t thinking with a clear conscious. He bitched out his sort-of father-in-law (Hershel), and bullied his girlfriend into sharing her traumatic moment with the Gov. Let a girl grieve! She’s had it rough, too! She delivered a child on a nasty water-heater room floor, hasn’t showered in a month, and heard her boyfriend get the shit beaten out of him while creepy mc-creepster touched her boob. Glenn dipped out right before the attack to “take on Woodbury”. What the hell? That was the worst leadership decision made in the entire series. Luckily, he gets back in time to save Hershel from being mauled by Walkers in the field. Ugh. Hershel. He’s like a damn cockroach. Can’t kill that one. Anyways, Glenn and Maggie seemed to have gotten over their tiff post-attack, and now that the gang’s all back together I am anxious to see what happens next.
The show is gearing up for a major showdown between Rick and the Gov. The Gov MUST die! He’s too much of a threat now that he’s attacked their make-shift home, and the prison is too prime of a spot to just leave. Now that Daryl is officially back, and Merle is sharing intel on Woodbury (a-la sneak peek of next week’s episode), maybe they have a fighting chance at taking down the Gov. Next week, Carol tells Daryl that Merle is no good for him (no shit Sherlock), Rick gets told to step down from the throne by his own son and the Gov tells Andrea not to come back if she leaves Woodbury. I really hope this is the end of all things Gandrea. Leave your thoughts, comments and predictions. Until next time…
Oh, and don’t think we forgot about the Badass Daryl Gifs Of The Week: