The Vampire Diaries Recap – 4×13 “Into The Wild”

The-Vampire-Diaries1

Man, it was nice to see the gang somewhere besides Mystic Falls. They traveled to Hawaii for a little R&R. Just kidding. They went to a mystical/haunted island 200 miles off the coast of Nova Scotia to cure hunt and ended up getting separated and played a fool by Shane (surprise, surprise). We learned a lot in this episode. For instance, there’s a dreaded witch roaming the island who’s on Team Shane, Damon thinks being a vampire is WAY cooler than being a stupid human (#truth), Bonnie was apparently never taught the importance of campfire safety and Rebekah is a freaking badass. Let’s get down to the dirty deets.

"I'll still love you as a human, Damon. Right...?"

“I’ll still love you as a human, Damon. Right…?”

Elena: “Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!” (Brady Bunch reference). Everything is just about YOU and your perfectly ironed locks and your line of hot eternal suitors. Let’s just get one thing straight, being a vampire is f*cking awesome. You are hot forever, you can compel people to give you whatever you want, which means you can travel for free. Why the hell would you want to be human again? Did you get the flu this season? Because it’s worse than food poisoning. Pretty sure I would take eternal damnation over being parked in a bathroom for three days straight. #truth. And stop getting so frustrated with Damon. Of course he doesn’t want to take the cure! Damon was emotional as hell when he was human, Katherine broke his heart and he doesn’t want to revert back to that kind of vulnerability. Elena, all he wants is to have eternity with you, spoil you, and love you. Yeah, that sounds like it would suck… get the f*ck out of here. I do enjoy Elena’s cat fights with Rebekah. At least it brings some sass into this emotional supernatural roller coaster. Speaking of…

"I'm the strongest woman on the planet, but I'm scared of the rustle in the bushes."

“I’m the strongest woman on the planet, but I’m scared of the rustle in the bushes.”

Rebekah: I. Effing. Love. Her. The only thing that pisses me off about Rebekah is that she wants to be human. I love her as a vamp. She is so nasty and bratty and insecure. #fiercebitch. I do love that Rebekah knows what she wants, and she doesn’t let anyone influence her otherwise. She wants to be loved, she wants to have a family, and she wants to be human. Being a human will allow her to value life, family and love. Why would you value something if you have an eternity to enjoy it? Marinate on that for a minute. #shitjustgotdeep. Rebekah and Stefan’s friendship is also something I am really into. Sure, she loves him like a boyfriend, but she also cares for him as a friend. That’s why she’s not killing Elena (again). Stef is totally on the same page, too. Rebekah recognizes that Elena is his true love, and she understands it because she is a hopeless romantic herself. She even said what we’ve all been thinking the last four seasons: “Nice ass Damon!” Ok, she didn’t say it quite like that but whatever. UGH I LOVE HER!

"How's my brood face? Brow bunched enough?"

“How’s my brood face? Brow bunched enough?”

Stefan: So, I guess I can sort of understand why you want to be a human. Being that, when presented blood you turn into a raging sociopath who can’t control mass murdering every living thing within a twenty mile radius. If there’s ever a legit reason to become human again, that’s it. I must admit though, Stefan is sexy as hell when he’s The Rippah. I’m down for a Klaus/Stefan bestie stage again. (Don’t lie and say you don’t either.) Stefan admitted in front of Elena that he is sick of being racked with guilt from his days as a vampire, and he wants to be human and live a normal life, too. I have one question, though…how DA FUCQUE can they all live normal lives after everything that’s happened to them? Murders, witches, hybrids, werewolves, doppelgängers, Silas, Expression, not to mention losing all their loved ones… who knows what else is out there and could happen? I’d want to be sure I could protect myself. #justsaying. Stefan does love a good brooding sesh though, so he could sit and think about all that shit well into his 80s as a human.

"Haha! Take the cure. Oh, you're serious. This just got awkward..."

“Haha! Take the cure. Oh, you’re serious. This just got awkward…”

Damon: Thank goodness SOMEONE is questioning Shady Pants about his motives. Lord knows someone needs to. Damon is a realist, OK  I think him and Rebekah are about the only two people in this show who stay true to themselves no matter what. Think about it. Damon loves Elena more than himself, but he still won’t conform to her desire to be human. He has told her this from day one: he is who he is, take it or leave it. If she’s not down for that, then she can become human and have a mediocre life with brooding Stefan. The only thing I’m worried about is that if he doesn’t have Elena to live for anymore, what will he do? The only reason he’s stuck around all this time is for her, and if that’s taken away after they’ve had their chance, why would he stick around any longer? I don’t even want to think about that. Damon would never leave, right? Oh, great. Now I’m going to cry all weekend. Moving on…

"Sunscreen? Even though it's overcast and your skin is like granite?"

“Shane: Sunscreen? Damon: You’re f*cking kidding me, right?”

Shane: I’ve had about enough of you and your Silas shenanigans. So you miss your dead wife, eh? I’ve got a little tip for you, bucko. In high doses, alcohol can make you forget about almost anything. Trust me. Oh, and there’s this magical little thing called therapy. Have you heard of it? How about you up your daily alcohol intake and see a therapist instead of killing a shit ton of people for your selfish little plan. When you were talking to your dead wife at the bottom of that well on that mystical island so long ago, you were in your right mind. You didn’t want to commit mass murder and make someone practice unnatural magic. So, what the hell happened to you? You’re a grade A asshole now, and you have to die. He is good at one thing though. He is a master manipulator. He really knows what to say to get into people’s heads. Hell, he got them to this random deserted island without giving them barely any information. The only one that doesn’t fall for his shit is Damon, although I think the whole “Elena’s going to take the cure and leave you” speech might have gotten to him a bit. I don’t know what Shane has up sleeve, but it’s not going to be good and I’m not sure the cure even exists. We know just a drop of blood made his wife’s ghost appear in the well, so maybe he’s planning on sacrificing Jeremy for his blood after he uses Bonnie to open Silas’ tomb. Remember saying to Damon, “Could you imagine what 2 liters could do?” Ah! It’s all just too much.

#hotmess

#hotmess

Bonnie: What the hell is wrong with you? 1) Shane gives you a necklace made of some dead bitch’s bone. 2) You find out he was partially responsible for the Pastor Young explosion fiasco. 3) He forgot to tell you his wife was a witch and DIED from practicing expression. After all this, how do you not just kill the dude? He’s lied too many times. I’m just frustrated with you because you’re one of my favorite people in the whole world, and you’re making absolutely terrible life decisions and putting everyone’s life in jeopardy. Now, you’ve been tricked and separated from all your friends. Oh, and ALERT! ALERT! You’re related to that Katsuya bitch. You are totally f*cked and I don’t think this whole ordeal is going to end well for you. Why couldn’t you have been just be a little pickier about who you let teach you freaky magic? Did you even do a Google search on “expression” before you started practicing it? I just can’t even…

Please tell me the Hunter's tat stays after they find the cure...#dayum

Please tell me the Hunter’s tat stays after they find the cure…#dayum

Jeremy: While Jer and Bonnie are having a photo shoot on the beach, she tells him the story of Katsuya and Silas is on Jeremy’s arm. Shane chimes in and says that Katsuya’s descendents created the hunters to find Silas, cure him and kill him. Elaborate please! Does no one think to sit Shane down and make him tell them the whole story? Jeremy gets kidnapped by a nappy headed hoodlum from the forest so we don’t see much more of him.

 

 

"Sorry, love. I just like having everyone's lives in the palm of my hand. Like Literally. So drink the palm of my hand."

“Sorry, love. I just like having everyone’s lives in the palm of my hand. Like Literally. So drink the palm of my hand.”

Klaus: DICK. MOVE. I know you’re feeling threatened, still trying to get over the fact you just saw your brother burst into flames and wanting to assert your power over everyone from inside a living room, but I think you went a little overboard with the whole stabbing Caroline and infecting her with werewolf venom thing. Caroline and Tyler were rolling your charred brother up into a tablecloth in front of your face but I mean, there were probably other ways to get your point across. Klaus is my favorite character, but Caroline is my girl. Don’t mess with her! For a second there, I didn’t think he was going to save her. I feel like Klaus is trying so hard to be bad. Are you good? Are you bad? Pick a side Klaus! You’re never going to get the girl if you keep behaving this way. Klaus is at the point of no return, though. He will always be the bad guy in their eyes. He knows that he’s never going to be able to make up for what’s he’s done and get Caroline to forgive him (or anyone else for that matter), so might as well go balls to the wall right? UGH! I just wish Klaus could get a little lovin’. I think he’d be a much happier person and maybe he wouldn’t feel so threatened and uptight all the time. Just saying.

"What now, Klaus?! I mean, I'll be your bitch again."

“What now, Klaus?! I mean, I’ll be your bitch again.”

Tyler: I feel really bad for Tyler. His mother just got murdered and he hasn’t been able to properly grieve her loss. He got in Klaus’ face and sassed him a little which was impressive, but it really only pissed him off more. He brought up a really good point and it’s something I’ve been thinking about for awhile. What happens to an Original’s bloodline if they get cured? Tyler said that he thinks it will break the bloodline shit and they can then kill Klaus. If the cure really exists, I’m guessing that’s how it works and what they’re planning on doing. Eek! Someone get Klaus out of that damn living room. I feel like they could use him on that island to help defeat Shady Pants.

Next week we’ll get a better look at the new hunter (Vaughn played by Charlie Bewley), Shane continues trying to raise the “most powerful immortal creature that ever was”, and Caroline and Tyler realize they need Klaus’ help to translate the code on the Hunter’s sword. Share your thoughts, comments and predictions. Until next time…

xoxo,

TeamTSD

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