The first thing that needs to be addressed about this episode is: HOLY HOT VAMPIRE SEX SCENE! Damon and Elena’s morning bedroom romp was seriously smoking, sweltering, blazing, sizzling, steaming, sultry, smoldering and every other synonym for hot you could possibly think of. Sure, she’s only in highschool and doing the nasty with an old ass vampire, but we’ll excuse it because she’s a vamp now, too. Plus, did we mention how hot that scene was? That’s not all that happened last night, though. Our Mystic Falls BFFs had some much-needed girl time, Tyler declared himself leader of the were-pack and Damon and Stefan looked hot as f*ck in the 40’s flashbacks. Lets get on down to the dirty deets:
Elena: Who is this girl, and what has she done with Elena Gilbert? We have NEVER seen Elena so happy and giddy before. She smiled almost the entire episode for crying out loud! She is becoming more comfortable with her vampirism, living in a boss mansion and having mind-blowing sex with the hottest dude on the planet. #luckybitch. I am loving the new and improved Elena 2.0. She’s also sticking up for herself, finally. She wasn’t about to put up with anyone talking shit about her or her man at girl’s night. When Caroline told her that Damon’s a nasty man-skank, Elena pretty much just said, “Well, we bopped around this morning and you can get the f*ck up out of my house right now.” Get it girl! Do your thing honey child.
Can you guys let Elena be happy for ONE DAY? The poor thing has been through so much! Let’s think about this: she’s lost every single parental figure she’s ever had, she’s been used as a human blood bag, she died, came back to life, drowned, came back to life as a vampire, puked blood all over her gorgeous Anthropologie blush lace dress in 4×02, and now her brother’s trying to kill her. Everyone back up off her. I can’t tell you how glad I am that she feels like she loves Damon regardless of the sire bond. I really hope that Damon doesn’t tell her to forget about him and skips town, because I’m ready to see Delena give their relationship a shot… and for more hot DEx scenes. We’ve only been waiting for this for four freaking seasons.
Damon: He is so hopelessly in love with Elena. I mean, his face whenever he’s with her?! UGH! This mother f*cker hasn’t been this happy since Katherine made him think that he was her one true love back in the 1860’s. We are beginning to see some other sides of Damon. #essentialcharacterdevelopment. He was pretty ticked off when Stefan suggested that Elena was sired to him, but he wanted to know for certain. So, he tells Elena to drink from the blood bag (PS – why couldn’t you wait until after school to do this shit?) and sure enough, she keeps it down. Well… shit. Damon decides he doesn’t want to be in a one-sided, manipulative relationship (for once) so he goes home and makes a huge f*cking mess trying to find one old, crusty, yellowed piece of paper. Damon and Stefan head to New Orleans in search of a witch that apparently broke the sire bond between Damon and his ex-bitch, Charlotte, back in the 40’s. However, they run into Charlotte and, SURPRISE! that bitch has been counting bricks like Damon told her to for the past 70 years. So much for that sire bond being broken, huh? I loved Damon’s reaction when she said she’d literally been counting bricks. Oh, whoops. Meh.
#nobigs. “Hey! Look on the bright side. You know this city like the back of your hand, girl.” Because that makes everything better, right? Basically, in New Orleans, they realize there is no cure for a vampire sire bond. The only thing Damon can do is tell Elena to move on with her life and forget about him (which is what he did to Charlotte). We also see a flashback of Damon going to the train station to meet Stefan so they can head off to Egypt together. Lexi interjects and tells Damon he’ll ruin Stefan if he goes with him. UGH! Damon just wants his little brother, but he does what’s right and leaves. Totally heartbreaking. When Damon got back home, he had to confront Elena. Luckily, she already knew about the sire bond because Caroline has a big mouth so we didn’t have to rehash all that shit again. Even with Elena telling him that her feelings aren’t a result of the sire bond, he wants to do the right thing by her. Don’t do it Damon. Be immoral and selfish. PLEASE! Just DON’T mess this up! I was a hot mess during this scene. “Does this feel wrong?” NO! It’s so right!
God! What is this show doing to me? My tear ducts must hate Thursdays.
Stefan: I think considering what is going on right now, he’s behaving extremely well. Sure, he got a little shitty with Damon in the beginning of the episode, but think about it: about 4 episodes ago, this dude thought he was going to spend vampire eternity with Elena, and now she’s rolling around in the sheets with his brother. I’m pretty sure if that happened to me, I’d be wrapping someone’s car up in saran wrap, egging their house and then going home and crying myself to sleep while watching The Notebook and taking out a whole carton of Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food. #friendsdontjudge. He even admitted that the sire bond isn’t Damon’s fault. It’s not like Damon purposely turned her with his blood. Elena’s feelings for Damon superseded her turning into a vamp, and Stefan is well aware of that. Stefan even said to Caroline that he thinks Damon loves her as much as he does. It takes a big man to be honest about that shit. Way to put on your big boy britches, Stef. The 40’s flashbacks in this episode were straight boss. It was awesome to take a look at what Damon and Stefan’s relationship was like so long ago. We tend to forget how old they are and how much they must have gone through that we don’t even know about. These flashbacks are JP’s way of letting us get to know a little more about our beloved characters and peeling another layer off the onion. Back to Stefan: I don’t know where he goes at this point. If he continues trying to find the cure for Elena and helping Jeremy grow his invisi-tat, he’s going to ruin Jer’s life forever, and Elena will hate him for it. Plus, Jer doesn’t trust Stefan anymore now that he’s a full blown hunter, so I doubt they’ll be working together on that little project. I think we can all agree that we just want Stefan to be happy… and take his shirt off more often. Come on, PLEASE!
Caroline: There are two things I want to point out about Caroline in last night’s episode. #1: She was a major bitch to Elena. #2: Her boyfriend is a certified badass. Let’s discuss the first point: so, Caroline had some “season 1” moments in this episode. And by that I mean she was very rude, outspoken, and selfish. Who the hell does she think she is? If I remember correctly, she messed around with Damon the first chance she got way back when. I understand that Stefan is her friend, but Elena is her BEST FRIEND, so she better get that shit in check. #hoesbeforebros #chicksbeforedicks #galsbeforepals #boobsbeforenewbs. Ok, I don’t know where I’m going with this. Let’s hop to number two: TYLER IS A STRAIGHT BOSS. Let’s walk through the scene where Ty rescues her: Caroline is shackled to a wall, her life is the hands of her captor, Tyler storms in with his brooding brows and Alpha-attitude. He grabs were-bitch and shoves his hand through her chest, grabs her heart, “bitch you better kneel to me or I’ll rip your damn heart out.” Bitch kneels. THEN all the other hybrid hotties (there was like 11 of ‘em) kneel down, too. Um… if Caroline wasn’t extremely turned on by that, then she plays for the other team because that was the definition of #PUREMAN. Then, Caroline and Elena sort of make-up, and I found myself missing #Klaroline scenes. Moving on…
Tyler: As if you weren’t hot enough already…the barn scene was the icing on the cake. Now if only it were me to blow out the candles instead of Caroline…I want that cake cake cake cake cake cake cake. #sexualreference #toofar.
Ok sorry guys-back to Ty. ANYWAYS, Tyler really stepped up this episode. Ty is like a true hero. He doesn’t go looking for leadership, it just follows him. His main goal was to help other hybrids sired to Klaus have their free will and keep Caroline safe. Now, he is an Alpha hybrid with his own ma-fuggin pack. This also worries me, though, because were-skank Hayley has her own agenda and Ty is being put in the crossfire. Let’s dive into that…
Hayley: Of course. Bitch has daddy issues. “Aww…you don’t know what happened to your mommy and daddy?” HIRE A PRIVATE DETECTIVE! Don’t go selling your soul and your friends to Shane-Devil all for a damn encrypted flash-drive with a photo-reel of your dead parents. How about this, Hales? Go sweet talk some computer Napolean-Dynamite looking joker into de-crypting that flash drive for you so you don’t have to sacrifice twelve of your friends. Since TyTy is the pack leader now, he will obvi be trying to protect and keep those twelve hybrids safe from whatever sacrificial ritual Shane has planned. That will, of course, reveal Hayley and her back-stabbing conniving ways, and Tyler will (probably) be forced to kill her. UGH. #stressed. I’m so hoping that when shit hits the fan, Hayley turns to the good side in order to save Ty because it’s obvious she cares for him.
Bonnie: I feel like I say the same thing to you every week. Oh, wait…I do. Professor Shane is making you do “expression” witchcraft, aka dark magic mojo. Prepare for the dark side, Bonnie. If you don’t buy your one-way ticket to Bora Bora now, you can kiss your Prom Queen nomination (and you’re humanity) goodbye. At least it looks like you had a fun girls night as your last hoorah.
I just want to bring attention to one of my favorite scenes so far this season, which was the girl’s night that Bonnie, Caroline and Elena had. It was so incredibly refreshing to see them acting like three high school girls, drinking champs, talking about boys, blasting music and dancing around the house. I love these three.
Next week, we can expect to see alpha Tyler planning to take out Klaus once and for all (and possibly be at odds with Caroline?), more Damon and Elena sexy time, and Stefan hulking out and flipping shit over in typical dramatic, brooding, vampire fashion. Do you think he just found out Damon didn’t tell Elena to piss off? Some shit is about to go down. Leave your thoughts, comments and predictions. Until next time…