This episode was a game changer and completely mind-blowing (but what’s new). I’m going to say it again. The Walking Dead is THE BEST show on television right now, hands down. In this episode we got to see Andrea and the Gov get jiggy with it, Rick talk to his subconscious/therapist/Lori hallucination on the phone and Merle looses his freaking mind. Let’s get down to the dirty deets.

Rick. Well, I am finally glad to see that Rick has come to his senses. His delusional state of Chinese-telephone therapy was a little wacked out, but I guess a guy has to grieve, right? Even the writers knew that an episode and a half of Rick losing his shit was too much. The end of that episode where Rick took a shower, held his baby, and walked out into the jail-yard with his posse behind him was straight #boss. Total class Rick. LOVED. IT.

Rick is ALMOST as cool as Nicolas Cage. LOL yeah right. #not

PS-can we name the baby, now? Lori is straight cryptic, and Sophia will make Carol turn into a pussy again. Oh yeah, CAROL’S ALIVE!

Daryl and Carol. Yes I’m combining their recap. Why? Because their love is more than just two pretty faces that are cast to roll around in sheets together. Their love is deeper than the hot-damned Grand Canyon people. Daryl LOVES Carol. She never puts up with his shit, and when he said a snide remark to her a-la seasons 1 and 2, she just took it as him putting up an emtional wall. He wasn’t used to just be loved for who he is. Sure, he’s a badass mother with triceps I could sharpen knives on, but he has such a sweet side, too. Remember him holding Lil Ass-Kicker? The scene where he finds Carol’s knife and and thrusts it at the ground is heartbreaking. He felt that he should have been there to protect her. But, alas! Carol is half-dead in the closet and he saves the day. #PUREMAN. How much more awesome can Daryl get, do you ask? Well, not only does he save his soul-mate, Carol, but he plays daddy to Lil Ass-Kicker and Carl. I don’t think Carl’s spoken two words since he (shot?) Lori and watched her die. Not to mention, he also saw her uterus get sliced open with his favorite knife to deliver Lil Ass-Kicker. Daryl sees that this may turn Carl into some sort of future serial killer or at least scar him for life in ways that not even TeamTSD would wish upon him (even though he drives us f*cking nuts). Daryl tells Carl some story about his mom dying or something and…I’m going to be honest with you. I didn’t listen to a word he said because I was too busy marveling at the fact that we had like a two-minute scene of just Daryl. #drooling #pukingonmyself #PrinceOfTheTrailerPark

Merle: Merle and a couple of Woodbury dudes were tasked with finding Michonne and killing her because the Gov is an asshole. They found some zombie body parts in a thicket in the woods that spelled out “Go Back” and they knew that Michonne did it. #crafty. PS-the “back” part of the message was literally a dead walker turned on it’s back. (You known how much I love my puns. #word) “She sent us a Biter-gram, ya’ll!” said Merle. What a f*cking hilljack. Merle is way too intense for me. I was starting to think he was a changed man, but I’m not so sure about that now. He even stepped on a dude that got shot and was dying and basically was like, “Man up you little bitch. Bullet wounds are for pussies. Let’s go.” That amped-up, turbo nub comes in “hand”y quite often though (pun intended), because he straight massacred some zombies during his rumble in the jungle. Merle said that he was going to tell the Gov that they killed Michonne even though they didn’t but the other dude said he wasn’t going to lie, so what did Merle do? Why, he shot him in the face of course. Merle apparently wandered on after Michonne and HARK, what did he find? Glenn and Maggie! NO!! Who puked all over themselves when this scene went down?

Glenn took one sideways glance at Merle’s nub-of-death and just knew they were in trouble. Merle held Maggie at gunpoint and my blood rose about 50 degrees because I f*cking love Maggie and no one threatens to destroy Team Glaggie. I said NO ONE! Merle made Glenn drive and they headed back to Woodbury. Merle caused a ruckus on the Gov’s door while he was busy having sexy time with Andrea, and told the Gov that they lost ten men BUT he brought back two people (one that him and Andrea know) and he’ll interrogate them until they tell him where their camp is. This is bad.

Andrea/The Gov: I’m combining their recap this week because they were literally ‘combined’ in last night’s episode (pun count=2). You know what I’m talking about. First of all, I want to know who let that one dumb bitch with the bow and arrow guard Woodbury. Daryl could have shot that walker from a mile away with his eyes closed. She looked like a panda bear trying to play darts. #fail. Andrea admits to the Gov that she likes “the fights”. Okay, cool? The Gov and Andrea got their flirt on in the courtyard which was f*cking weird. This is the creepiest relationship of all time. Well, any relationship with the Gov is probably going to be creepy because the mother f*cker brushes his dead daughter’s hair. I will never root for TeamAndrov/Govdrea… GANDREA. We learn the Gov is apparently a DMB fan, because he quoted the great Dave himself when he said, “eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die”. That was quite a provocative sex scene for AMC, don’t you think? I mean DAYUM! Now please, don’t ever make me watch that again. All I have to say to Andrea is, “Boo, you whore!” #meangirlsreference. I can’t wait until he invites her to his secret lair for an evening of cocktails and dancing by the light of fish tanks filled with well-preserved zombie heads. What a magical night that will be.

Hershel: This f*cker is chock-full of wisdom. He tried to drop some of his one-legged wisdom on Rick, but he pretty much told him to piss off. #rude. Getting shitty with our beloved Hershel is like telling a mother their baby is ugly as shit. It’s like telling a kid that magical unicorns don’t exist. It’s like giving a kid lucky charms and telling them you’ll ground them if they eat the marshmallows. It’s like pushing our dear sweet Glenn around while in a psychotic rage. Oh, wait…. It’s just freaking terrible, okay? #TeamHershel all the way. PS-now that we know Rick’s phone calls were a hallucination, the scene between him and Rick is freaking hilarious. You know when Hershel picked up that phone and there was NO dial-tone he was like awww shit, now not only do I have to be the group’s OBGYN, pediatrician, and surgeon, I have to be the damn psychiatrist, too? “Ok, Rick, I’ll sit here with you till they call…” Hershel’s got more patience than Moses. I would have laughed in that joker’s face and grabbed his balls and told him to shape the f*ck up. Would Daryl hallucinate about a fake Utopia calling him? Hell naw. He would be out hunting freaking possums for Thursday night’s chili kick-off. #realtalk.

Michonne. She is a mean ass fierce woman. Not only does she willingly leave Woodbury KNOWING she’d be hunted for dead, but she decides to skip the hide-n-seek part of the game and skip straight to slicing heads off. She left that cryptic ass message as a, “here’s your last chance to run before I samurai sword you to next Tuesday,” but they clearly didn’t listen. Merle gives up, because he knows he’ll probably die in a stand-off between him and Michonne. That shit won’t be staged like your Gladiator show you and The Gov planned. #truth.

Merle did shoot Michonne in the leg, though, which SCREAMS bacterial infection and then death, and she knows this. She witnesses Glenn and Maggie talk about where their camp is, and sees Merle take them hostage. She finds the basket of baby formula and probably a) feels like shit because there’s a baby they were trying to help and b) is going to leverage the baby formula so Rick and crew will fix her up and help her take down the Gov. GO GET ‘EM TIGER!

All I have to say about the prospect of Michonne, Daryl and Rick becoming a trifecta of zombie slaying f*cking amazingness is…

You know you feel the same way. This is going to be EPIC. They are totally going to overthrow the Gov, save Andrea, Glenn and Maggie and take over Woodbury so that Lil Ass-Kicker can have a nice place to grow up. Next week, we see Michonne tell Rick how psycho the Gov is, Glenn and Maggie get interrogated by Merle and Gandrea keep getting nasty against our wishes. Leave your thoughts, comments and predictions.

Oh yeah, don’t think we would forget the Daryl gif-of-the-week. #PrinceOfTheTrailerPark

Until next time…



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