The way they were…

OH. MY. GOD! Yes, that old school picture is up there to make you bawl your eyes out even more. A nod to you, Stelena fans. Now DELENA fans, if you didn’t have “Never Let Me Go”  on repeat until you passed out from crying/hyperventilating/puking/screaming (basically losing your shit) from last night’s episode, you clearly have issues. Whether they were tears of joy or tears of pain, let’s all admit we cried like little bitches after last night’s episode. #aintnoshame. This episode was truly incredible. One of the best of any season, no doubt. Now, let’s get down to the dirty deets.

“I can’t do this anymore.”

Stefan: Oh my poor, sweet, hot-as-two-rats-doing-it-in-a-wool-sock Stefan Salvatore. All he was doing was trying to help his girl turn back into a human (which is what she wants) and it just pushed her further away. #nicetrythough. Stelena had a good run and I’m predicting that they’ll get back together at some point, but not before Damon gets his shot at love. Mad props to Stefan for being the one to say he couldn’t do this. #pureman. At least he has some respect for himself instead of repeating 1864 all over again. I definitely don’t understand how he’s going to live under the same roof as his brother though when the girl he thought he was going to spend vampire eternity with just admitted she has magnified feelings for his bro. Shit is going to get awkward in that Salvatore boarding house. I think we can all agree that we just want Stefan to be happy. I can’t see him being with anyone but Elena, though. Sending hugs to all the broken-hearted Stelena fans right now. However….

Damon: FINALLY! We’re going to get some Delena action. This is like, four years in the making people! Damon was a true hero in this episode. He saved Elena by swan diving her into the water below the Wickery Bridge. They didn’t show how he got her back to her house without her bursting into flames, but my guess is that he wove a cloak out of the forest underbrush, draped it over her to shield her from the UVs, tossed her on his back like a LL Bean knapsack and ran all the way back to the Gilbert abode with his zippy vampire speed. I mean, that’s most likely what happened. He even fished that bitch’s ring out of the water for her! We also learned in this episode that like cats, vampires do not like swimming. Noted! Damon was a total gentlemen in Elena’s bedroom when she took his hand. He wanted to do the honorable thing by telling Elena that Stefan was just trying to find a cure to save her life, which I’m glad he did. I have a feeling that he’s going to be hesitant to be with her at first because he’ll be worried about Stefan. Bro’s before hoes, unless it’s Elena, right?

Stefan: “I can’t do this anymore.” Elena: “I know…”

Elena: Well, well well…what do we have here, Elena? Someone’s hormones were magnified! I know Stelena fans are straight pissed, but I am going to tell you something: Elena’s love for Damon was magnified, but her love for Stefan wasn’t. You can’t hate a sister for following her heart…I mean her undead heart…metaphorically speaking…whatever. All I know is she did what she felt was right, and Stefan did too. That scene was emotional as f*ck, though. You know what, the whole damn episode was. I was convulsing on my couch for a solid 43 minutes. Elena HAS to give Damon a chance. Speaking as a woman who has been through that with their first love (except for the supernaturally eternally damned part), you get to a point where you question yourself and your feelings. Stefan will ALWAYS be her first love, but Damon is going to round her out and make her discover her other passions, desires, feelings, etc. Sounds cheesy, but it’s true so get over yourselves and deal with it. I don’t care what ship you are, Delena/Stelena…Team ELENA comes first. If you hate her for following her heart, AFTER ALL SHE’S BEEN THROUGH, that’s just f*cking shitty. She has been selfless since season 1, and she is doing something for her for once, and if you can’t handle that, go throw yourself off of Wickory Bridge. Damon won’t be there to pull you out, either. #truth.

Jeremy: I think it’s safe to say that Jer is royally f*cked. I mean, think about it. The guy sees ghosts at random moments, his whole family is either dead or undead, all of his ex-girlfriends hate him, and NOW he has to take some ancient-hunter path all because his sister killed Montel I mean Todd I mean Conner. All the vamps within a 100 mile radius better watch their backs, because Jer needs to grow that tat like YESTERDAY, and Klaus is going to be on that shit. I think that since Stefan and Elena broke up, Stefan will give Delena their space to do whatever they do (like have hot sex all day), and he’ll go on a crusade with Jer to grow that fierce sleeve. He’ll help Jer hunt down vampires to kill (Klaus will probably help with this, too), and still try to find the cure for Elena. Will Elena want the cure, though? After having hot vamp sex with Damon, I sure as hell wouldn’t! #ohkay #realtalk #gimmedatgimmedat

PS-What if the ghost of Conner helps Jeremy with his hunter path? #justsaying #welovetoddwilliams

Bonnie: Wise up BonBon. This professor Shane joker is bad news! He’s a total creeper and he has an ulterior motive that we haven’t figured out yet. He talked about some guy named Silas, right? All I know is some joker with a big ugly rock for a tombstone is probably going to appear at some point and be the new, “big bad”. Shady Shane has some tricks up his sleeve, and he is totally using Bonnie as his magic wand. I don’t think he cares about Bonnie at all, just her magic. My prediction is that he will take her to the dark side, only to succeed with whatever ulterior motives he has. Poor Bonnie, this shit storm just keeps pouring down on her. If the witch-spirit-people REALLY cared about her, they would send her some sign to let her know she’s being played by this skid-mark. I mean, right?! #witchesbeforebitches

“If Tyler were still sired to me, he never would have hurt you. I wouldn’t have let him.”

Klaus: Someone PLEASE tell me how Klaus is so f*cking cool? I want to be like him when I grow up.  First of all, I’m proud of him for actually doing something good for Elena by keeping her locked up so she wouldn’t kill herself. Granted it was for his own selfish motives to use her as a human blood bag for the rest of her life, I still say he was being sweet. He snatched her up off that porch so fast, no one had time to think. #superspeedyvampsnatch. I think Elena should have been happy to hang out in that boss room at Klaus’s house. #nicedigs. Hey Klaus! Can you give me the number of your interior decorator? Anyway, Klaus was elated when Caroline came into the bar and fake wooed him. They shared a drink and my Klaroline heart almost exploded UNTIL Caroline admitted she was just distracting him and suicidal Elena had escaped. He had her in a vampire suicide-proof room and they let her run off to that damn bridge again. Well, there’s plenty of wood to stake yourself with there. Then Klaus says more badass shit: “You’re beautiful, but if you don’t stop talking, I will kill you .” Man, he sure has a way with words. Caroline apparently agreed to go on a date with Klaus. Can’t wait to see that go down. 🙂 I bet he’s going to take her to a nice steak dinner and bear his soul to her and she’ll see a different side of him… and then they’ll just get married, throw up the deuces to MF and live happily ever after in gay old Paris in a boss f*cking castle. Hey, a girl can dream. #KlarolineTime

“Let me very inappropriately and sexually wipe your mouth off, while being two-faced to your girlfriend.”

Caroline/Klaus/Tyler/Hayley: Forwood is crumbling and there are a few things to blame here. One reason is Klaus, for reasons we’ve already discussed. Caroline is partially to blame here because she promised Klaus a date if he let Jer kill one of his hybrids who was Tyler and Hayley’s friend. Yeah, I could see how that would cause a rift in their relationship. However, the main reason there’s trouble in Forwood paradise is the new-to-town werewolf, Hayley. She can act like she and Tyler are just friends all she wants, but we all saw her sexually wipe booze off Tyler’s mouth. That shit was intimate as f*ck. And her face when she watched Caroline and Tyler make out… yeah, that bitch is on the prowl for some TyTy. She’s making me mad right now because she’s definitely causing trouble between Ty and Caroline. You have to admire her though for her “I don’t give a shit” attitude and perfectly coiffed mane. I need to know more about her before I can let her into my circle of trust. I love both Tyler and Caroline individually, but I think the relationship may have run it’s course.

Dalaric: Sweet Jesus. We miss Dalaric so much! Damon is STILL saving seats and pouring extra drinks for him. (waste of liquor if you ask me.) COME BACK ALARIC!

Oh yeah, we also found out that April’s dad was stalking Shane with creepy phone calls. No idea where that leads except Shady Shane is up to something. Regardless, this episode was epic, and I’m not just saying that because it’s Delena time. The mother/daughter scene was touching, seeing Connor again was amaze-balls and watching Jeremy decapitate a hybrid (again) was seriously badass. Next week Elena “needs to talk” to Damon, Stefan is heart-broken and Elena rocks a fierce fishtail braid. Leave your thoughts and comments. Until next time…

And the closing scene of the Stelena break-up to make you cry even more…#DamnThatGilbertPorch




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