Hallucinations, neck-snapping, Matt’s biceps, and Bonnie unknowingly being stuck in an office for seven hours=the craziness that was last night’s TVD episode. I’m not even going to say any more, I’m just going to dive into whatever the f*ck just happened:
Elena: Where do I even start? Oh, I know. Let’s all think about the scene where she was on top of Damon in the very beginning of the episode. So she had a wooden stake to his throat; still freaking hot. I think Damon was enjoying it. Elena really stepped up her game in this episode. She made her own damn decisions and I liked that. She busted up into the Grill to save Jeremy, April and Matt like a boss and pretended like she was still just innocent, human Elena. She then attacked Connor, who quickly realized that she was a fanger. “Haha. Tricked yah!” I like Elena taking charge and acting like the badass vampire she is instead of sulking about how terrible it is to be the most amazing creature on the face of the planet and have two hot ass men in love with her. Yah, like only 99.9% of the female population would give their right arm to be you girl. Own that shit! So anyway, she eventually kills Connor by snapping his neck. I’m pretty freaking upset about this and evidently she is too. She’s so upset that she forgets to wipe her mouth off after she feeds on him and we get to see her rock a sweet blood beard for like, 5 minutes. She may need to start carrying Wet Ones if she’s going to be this careless because ain’t nobody wanna see that shit. I usually get annoyed by Elena when she’s sulking about stupid shit, but when she broke down in front of Stefan and Damon over killing Connor, I almost lost it. I just wanted to give her a hug, and then give Stefan a hug… and then make out with Damon. Poor Elena.
Stefan: So… pretty much we learned in this episode that Stefan is the worst person at keeping secrets. Like the worst person ever. Did you want to get caught working with Klaus? Pretty sure you did since you had phone calls with him in broad daylight and then ADMITTED to Damon and Elena’s face that you enlisted the help of his hybrids AND THEN vervained your bro so you could go “handle the Connor hostage situation” all by yourself. DA FUCQUE?! I love how Elena was all, “I’m going to save Jeremy!” and all Stefan said was, “no…just trust me…” and Elena’s like, “OK! *la da dee do daaa *kisses Stefan* la da dee doo daa*. BITCH grow some cajones and stand up for yourself! At least Damon forces her to make a damn decision herself and be a fierce independent woman!
ANYWAYS, we get where you’re coming from, Stef. You are totally stuck between a moonstone and a hard place. You want to help Elena be human again because she never wanted to be a vamp, BUT you also want this for your own selfish reasons. You can’t be with her as a vampire because you are fighting your urges, you can’t help her with the transition because you don’t know how to be a vampire yourself, and you need someone to lean on you and distract you from your psychotic Rippah shit, SO….Ok I went off on a tangent.
Basically, Damon about ripped Stefan’s heart out to get the truth about the deal he has with Klaus. Damon’s on board with this, but we are still pissed at you for keeping it a secret. I’m all over it, though, because if he keeps on keeping shit from Elena it will push her further to Damon, and I think Damon knows it. #DelenaSex
Damon: Oh Damon, you sexual creature you. Don’t give up hope dude. You are like two episodes away from getting it on with Elena. I can feel it. Damon got totally screwed over in this episode and Stefan was actually the badass who got to have all the fun. Damon spent the first half of the episode taking a vervain-induced snooze on the couch, courtesy of Stefan. Then he couldn’t even join in on the action because his bro jacked his daylight ring. It must have worried him so much that Elena ran off to the Grill and he couldn’t be there to protect her. He’s always the one that saves her. Damon had three really great moments in this episode. The first one was his encounter with Stefan when he made him spill the beans on the cure. The second one was seeing his reaction to watching Elena have a major meltdown over killing Connor. He was so sad. #truelove The third thing was his conversation with Stefan at the end about keeping the cure a secret from Elena. He pretty much said, “I’ll love Elena whether she’s a human or vampire unlike you who doesn’t like who she is as a vamp. Deuces bitch.” Then he headed off to the store to buy his own pair of bossy pants because he was jealous of Stefan’s.
Tyler/Caroline/Hayley: Oh, hell naw! Did Hayley really ask Caroline who she was? Yup! She did. Caroline pretty much said back, “Bitch I’m Caroline Mother F*cking Forbes. Who da f*ck are you?” Hayley is not intimidated and says she can take it up with Tyler instead of her. Hayley has guts. It’s safe to say that Caroline was pretty pissed about the fact Hayley had been staying at Tyler’s house for about 3 days and he never told her. As if that little nugget of info wasn’t enough, she overheard Klaus and Tyler’s phone conversation and learned that Tyler was with Hayley while he was off breaking his sire bond in the Appalachian mountains. Then Jerry Springer walked in and had to call in his body guards to stop Hayley from pulling all of Caroline’s weave out while Tyler just stood by watching and yelling that he’s not the baby daddy.
Just kidding. Caroline confronted Tyler and she was obviously pissed, and who could blame her. He lied and Hayley is drop dead gorgeous. So she said, “Secrets, secrets are no fun. Secrets, secrets hurt someone. You’re a dirty liar.” Tyler explained that Hayley helped him break the bond, that nothing happened between them and they were trying to keep it a secret because they want to help the other hybrids. Caroline’s response: “Oh.” Whoops!
Connor: Sweet Jesus. Say it aint so! This just can’t be! I feel like we didn’t even get to know him and understand his story. We need more! Plus, I love Todd Williams so this shit really frosts my balls. We need to know more damnit! I may or may not have started throwing stuff around my living room and pouting when Elena snapped his neck. Ok, I definitely did. #noshame
Anyway, in this episode Connor took Jeremy, April and Matt hostage at the Grill in order to lure the vampires there. He obviously has a master’s degree in chemistry because he’s created some seriously impressive bombs and explosive devices and he rigged the shit out of that place. Connor brought a whole new level of badass-ness to the show. He even held a knife to Jeremy’s throat. This dude does not give a f*ck. He is so intense. At one point he even got shitty with a phone and through it on the floor. “F*ck this phone.” Not even inanimate objects can escape his wrath. Connor is way too serious though. He should have at least grabbed a bottle of Grey Goose off the top shelf and made himself a nice vodka tonic while he waited for people to show up so he could murder them by ripping out their hearts. Just a little something to take the edge off. Serious note: It’s kind of sad that he had no idea why he was doing what he was doing. All the shit he did in Mystic Falls was out of pure desperation and a desire to understand who he was. I’m sad to see him go and crossing my fingers that this won’t be the last time we see him. There’s still so much we don’t know. #RIPConnor (temporarily we hope)
Bonnie. GIRL. When a man tells you he’s hypnotized you for the last seven hours and you had no idea, you shouldn’t be excited about that. Don’t you wonder what else he did to you other than make you unknowingly take your earring out? Just sayin…ANYWAYS I do NOT trust Shane. Firstly, because what kind of professor has seven hours to kill during school hours? I barely have time to get up and go to the bathroom while I’m at work. Secondly, because he’s an asshole. Poor Connor (RIP) was like, “you said you’d tell me about my tattoo!!!” and Shane was like, “sorry bro not till your sleeve is all grown and stuff.” #rude. Poor Connor just wanted to know what his destiny was, and his curiosity got his necked snapped (a-la-Elena). See where I am going with this? Bonnie, you are treading into dark magic territory. All this guy wants from you is your magic so he can do whatever he wants to do with this cure. For some reason, I don’t think the “cure to vampirism” is all Shane is looking for.
Jeremy. Destiny calls! Remember back in the day when Uncle John aka Isobel’s baby daddy aka Elena’s birth dad was talking about the “family’s history” and it’s “a part of who you are”? I think we are finally seeing the deep root of that. Jeremy is part of “the five”, and we know this because his tattoo sleeve has started on this hand. What will come next? I personally think that the MF crew is going to bring Jer some vamps to kill so his tattoo grows. Also, we see that Elena is having hallucinations as an aftermath of her killing one of “the five”, Connor. My theory is that in order for these hallucinations to quit, a new hunter has to appear. This new hunter is obvi Jeremy, so he will be forced to kill a vampire to help his sister Elena from going bat shit cray from hallucinations Angelina Jolie style. #GirlInterruptedReference #crazytrain
Klaus: So Mista Hybrid King decided to mix shit up and provide a little culture to his hybrid bitches. Since he is on the hunt for Alexander’s (one of the original “five”) sword, he needed to take a little vaca to Italy. #jealy. He took his band of hybrids and compelled the archaeology team from Jurassic Park to dig up Alexander’s sword aka the final piece to unlocking the cure. Stefan calls him and is like, “yo Connor’s got hostages and werewolf venom so we need you to come back because you’re the only cure if we get bit.” Klaus just laughs and is like:
Because Klaus doesn’t take orders from anyone, bitches!
Ok this recap has gotten out of hand..it’s been a long week with not enough wine. What do you guys think will happen next week? Leave your thoughts!
Until next time…