“Welcome To Woodbury”

What can we say about ‘Walk With Me’ except, WTF? First of all, stop calling them ‘Biters’. They’re called Walkers, bitches! We finally met the Governor, learned Michonne is one mean-muggin’ son of a bitch, got reacquainted with Merle and his nub and developed a high level of suspicion about this Woodbury town. Let’s get down to the dirty deets.

The Governor: We don’t know much about this joker yet, except he has something against sharing his real name and he’s certifiably insane. I’m serious, this guy is straight off his rocker. He has enlisted the help of some scientist dude to do science shit on zombies and… that’s all I know. I have no idea what his agenda is, but after murdering that whole group of army fellas, it seems it has something to do with ultimate power over a paradise-esque town in the middle of a zombie infested world of death and doom. I have a feeling that he had a dysfunctional childhood. Don’t believe me? Check out that final scene where zombie heads are floating in old fish tanks he found from the abandoned PetSmart down the street. Why are all the people in Woodbury just following him and listening to what he says? Have they not picked up on the fact this guy is not rowing with both oars in the water? After murdering those men for their goodies, he goes back to the town and tells the residents, “These men died in vain because we ambushed them, shot them up and jacked all their shit.” Just kidding. He totally lied about it. Then, he rewards himself after a hard day’s work by doing something completely normal for a change. I mean I always end my nights pouring myself liquor and sitting in a boss leather chair in my secret lair staring at zombie heads suspended in some sort of preservation liquid too. Totally normal. NOT! Hey Andrea and Michonne, you need to get the f*ck up out of Woodbury right now! Snatch that damn sword back and bounce.

Michonne: And the award for the most intense stink-eye goes to… Michonne! For real though, this girl can mean mug like no one I have ever seen before. I can’t believe she just beheaded her walkers that easily. She was so attached to them (no literally, they were connected to her with a chain) and she just ‘POW!’ machete’d their head right off with her samurai sword. She’d been toting them around like two rare Hermes bags since the start of the zombie apocalypse. Oh, and speaking of that damn ninja sword, it is now in the possession of the evil Governator. Michonne wants that shit back, and rightfully so. She’s highly skeptical of Woodbury and the Governor, as you can tell by all the evil glares and silent treatments she dishes out.  Remember their awkward breakfast date? “Michonne, do you want your eggs scrambled or sunny-side-up?” *stink eye + silent treatment* “Scrambled it is.” I’m with Michonne on this one, though. Something ain’t quite right about this town. Now give me more badass Michonne action!

Merle: And he’s back! He must of found an old VHS of “The Emperor Strikes Back” because he apparently got some inspiration of how to take care of that damn nub. His Darth Vadar cast seems to have a duel purpose of buttoning shirts and stabbing zombies in the head. I still don’t know why he’s so hell bent on being a damn asshole all the time. The Gov seems to have him on a leash being all, “haven’t you learned anything from me,” and shit. If you haven’t noticed, the Gov seemed to enlist a bunch of idiots to be his minions. Pretty smart, actually. Getting a bunch of misfits to do your dirty work gives them purpose and makes them feel needed and important so they’ll do whatever the hell you ask them to. That’s probably why The Gov is/will be threatened by Rick, because Rick is straight #BOSS. From what Merle’s told The Gov he can put two and two together. ANYWAYS, back to Merle. He still has a soft spot for Daryl (UM DUH DARYL F*CKING ROCKS), and he still hates Rick. Shit’s going to get real when a Rerle/Mick reunion happens, and I can’t wait for Rick to chop off his other arm so he looks like Kristen Wiig as the jacked up sister from the Saturday Night Live “Lawrence Welk” skit:

If you have no idea what I am talking about, watch the SNL skit here. #yourewelcome.

Andrea: Did I sense creepy sexual tension between you and the Governor? I know you thought about tapping that for a hot minute. You do seem to have a track record of hooking up with emotional unstable men hell bent on being on some sort of f*cked up power trip. * cough, Shane, cough *. Looks like in next week’s episode, though, you are brought back down to reality and sense that shit is not right in the land of Oz. I’m glad you finally got yourself some medicine, though. I’m not going to lie, I about mistook you for a Walker you were looking so rank in the beginning of the episode. Who knew how important a z-pack and some thera-flu would be? Looks like she should have been trying harder to stock up on meds instead of learning how to clean a gun. #poorlifechoice.

Army Group: Well no wonder the army bases fell and let the world go to shit! If you can’t protect yourselves against a bunch of mindless dead people you sure as shit can’t protect yourself from a post-apocalyptic militia! The Gov straight owned your asses (yeah, that’s him standing on your army truck). Also, I am not military trained, but I’m pretty sure being parked in the middle of a damn cornfield is not the best defense. Build a wall! Find a cave! Make a camp site! Shit! You got weapons and armor! DA FUCQUE?!

So, the question is: How are the people of Woodbury (plus Andrea and Michonne) going to come in to contact with Rick and gang? It seems like that may happen in Merle’s search for his long lost brother, Daryl. Previews said something about Merle going back to Herschel’s farm to look for him. While this episode was amazing, the lack of our Trailer Park Prince, Daryl, left a gaping hole in our hearts. We need to see him every Sunday. Please, don’t do that to us anymore, okay AMC? Thanks. Leave your thoughts, comments and predictions for next Sunday’s episode! #fangsout

Oh, and here is a picture of Daryl to satisfy you till next week:

Until next time…



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