SUPERNATURAL RECAP – 8×04: “BITTEN”

Oh, does that picture look a little off to you? Try watching an entire episode from that angle. This was a completely different type of episode, and I appreciate the creativity. What I do not a appreciate is the three extra-strength ibuprofen I had to take after forty-five minutes of the sequel to the Blairwitch Project “Supernatural” edition. Let’s get down to the dirty deets of last night’s episode.

We open with a scene that contains body parts, splattered blood everywhere, and a laptop with a creepy “play me” post-it note in a house on a college campus. The story is told from three college kids point of view from their shaky camera. Brian, Micheal, and Micheal’s girlfriend discover that Micheal has been bitten by an Alpha werewolf and he craves human hearts almost as much as Dean craves burgers (so you can see the severity here). The kids are straight OBSESSED with filming their every move all day errrrr day. I mean, who do these kids think they are, Ricky Fitts? Because you are nowhere near that cool. Trust me, TeamTSD knows Wes Bentley as he’s cool as fuck. #realtalk.

ANYWAYS the kids film Dean and Sam as they uncover who the werewolf is, while constantly making fun of them being ex-lovers (it was funny). Sam and Dean have like the worst witnesses ever; I mean, the local animal control said the largest animal in the county was a frackin’ raccoon. Seriously? NO ONE has a dog bigger than a rodent? Great Dane? Lab? Cavalier St. Charles? Nothing? Dean’s like eff this and him and Sam keep digging. The events unfold:

Brian: This kid clearly had self-esteem issues and complained about how he lived in his best friend, Micheal’s, shadow. Well, no shit Sherlock. Micheal is like two feet taller than you so of course you’ll be in his shadow. He uncovers who the Alpha werewolf is (their professor) and confronts the professor to bite him. The professor is like, “um no way”, and Brian’s like, “um yeah way I got secret cameras filming you so #blackmailbitch”. The professor bites Brian and Brian’s all happy. When we see the professor alone again, Sam and Dean show up and he starts to hulk out. The Winchesters shoot the professor as he mutters, “thank you”, before he dies. Sad shit. Moving on…

Micheal: This poor hottie got straight screwed. He thinks he’s a Mayan God, when really he’s a werewolf that craves human hearts (ok, so I guess him and the Mayan God have something in common). ANYWAYS his blonde pixie-cut girlfriend (we’ll just call her Tinkerbell) is like way supportive and says, “baby”, about 100X’s in this episode. I started a drinking game for every time she said, “baby”, and let’s just say we are lucky I was 55% coherent by the end of the episode. Micheal tries to tell Brian that being a monster is not as cool as it seems, and Brian hulks out and kills Micheal. #dickmove

Tinkerbell: She is clearly distraught because her true love has been silvered by his best friend (Shakespearean style) and Brian bites her in the process. Brian confesses his love to her and Tinkerbell plays along. She only does this, though, so she can take Brian by surprise and tear him limb from limb. #revengesucceeded. Tinkerbell makes Brian’s movie documenting their werewolf escapades, and makes the ending all sad because, “she is a victim of being turned against her will,” and she begs for Sam and Dean to give her a chance to not kill anyone. Sam and Dean are like, “OK cool. Whatevs. We’ll give you a chance.” Pfff, YEAH RIGHT. I just think they were just worn out from that damn shaky camera for forty-five minutes. Give Dean a double-cheeseburger and he’ll hop in the Impala and silver that bitch till next Tuesday.

What did you guys think? This episode definitely fulfilled the promise that the writers made for this season: Supernatural is getting back to it’s roots with episodes of the Winchester brothers fighting crime and eating bad food, all while looking brooding and hot. I am ready for shit to get real next week, though, and from the promo it looks like Dean’s Purgatory past is coming back to haunt him. Leave your thoughts, bitches! #fangsout

xoxo,

Team TSD

MEMORABLE QUOTES:

Tinkerbell: “Pretty sure FBI agents don’t say ‘awesome’ that much.”

Dean: “Do I really say ‘awesome’ that much?”

Dean (while eating a burger): “Clear eyes, clogged arteries, can’t lose.” (Friday Night Light’s reference-LOVE it.)

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