The brilliance of what is The Walking Dead cannot be described in words. The writers/producers/directors took this literally as we saw the first scenes (before the credits), and not a single word of dialogue was spoken. Come to think of it, I don’t think there was any background music, either. Not only did this show immense talent by the cast, but it set the tone for what this season will be. The crew is desperate, alone, tired, and at their wit’s end. How ironic it is that a massive prison serves as their newest hope? We were promised that this premiere episode would have more zombie kills than most of Seasons 1 and 2 combined, and they sure did deliver the blood and guts. Let’s get down to the (many!) dirty deets as to why this season premiere blew Team TSD’s MUTHA EFFIN’ MIND!!!!! #fangirlfreakout

Rick: Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes! It has been too long since I’ve seen your perfectly trimmed scruff and your dingy old sheriff’s uniform. Can you please jack some clothes off a dead person and do a wardrobe change? I have a feeling you smell like shit, and I’m sure you’re not the only one. I was excepting Rick to be much more cut throat than he was, now that he’s the Ricktator and all. We learned that he hates canned goods when he threw the one Carl was opening across the floor. “F*ck this tuna!” (however, I think it was actually dog food). Chill out Rick! We also learned that he pretty much hates Lori now. I’m not sure what changed over the winter because he seemed to be slightly over the fact she bopped around with his ex-best friend last we saw them. One thing is for damn sure though, if I found myself in the midst of a zombie apocalypse, I’d want to be on Rick’s team. What a freaking badass team leader. He even chopped off Hershel’s leg to try to save him from turning into a walker. By the way, I threw up in my mouth a little when watching that scene. Ew! Rick knows what needs to be done and he freaking does it. No hesitations. #likeaboss

Lori: What a burden! Not only are you bringing a baby into a zombie apocalypse (you are aware that a crying babe is pretty much like a zombie dinner bell, right) but you are the world’s most negative person. Let’s observe:

1. You cry because your husband hates you. Can you blame him? You left him in a coma for dead while you boinked his best friend whose baby you are 99.9999999% likely to be having.

2. Your illegitimate baby is another freakin’ mouth to feed. Where do you think you’re going to get baby food and formula? Not in this prison, I can tell you that much.

3. You think your baby is a dead zombie in your stomach ready to eat you from the inside out. Don’t flatter yourself, Lori, you ain’t no Bella Swan.

4. EVERYONE is trying to stay positive FOR YOU and your selfish ass is letting your hormones get the best of you. Lock it down, Lori!

I don’t know if you all agree with me, but I think Lori needs a slap of reality. Yes, life sucks, and you are all (supposedly) infected with a virus that brought about the end of the world. However, if everyone else around you finds some hope for optimism, I suggest you do the same before they go Hannibal Lector on your ass.

Daryl: Holy redneck. As if my white-trash love affair with Daryl wasn’t already at its peak, it hit a whole new level in this episode. Even in that damn poncho with owl-breath, I’d do him in a heartbeat (zombie apocalypse or not). I think him and Carol are totally going to make sexy time. I wasn’t sure if their relationship was mother-son like or romantic, but after she suggested they do the nasty it looks like the writers are taking the romantic route. I don’t care either way, as long as I can see Daryl take his shirt off. Anyone else notice how awesome he is? The world literally shits on him and he doesn’t give a fucque. He just keeps on keeping on. He is pretty much the reason a lot of them are still alive. Him and his bow and arrow always save the day. What a badass. UGH, I LOVE HIM!

Glenn: Well, somebody’s been eating their Wheaties! The end of the world has treated Glenn good. He got rid of that “Sandlot” baseball cap and started doing some push ups. His days as the comedic sidekick are over and he is proving that he’s definitely a force to be reckoned with. Even though Rick is obviously the leader of the group, Glenn has proved himself to be one of the strongest members. I am hoping for a mid-season wedding between him and Maggie. Speaking of Maggie, when did she turn into such a freaking BAMF? #girlpower

Hershel: Santa Claus definitely dropped some pounds in last few months since we have seen him last. He is clearly worried about Lori, as we see him bring up her exhaustion to Rick, who’s like, “yeah, no shit. I know my wife is pregnant. I’m trying my hardest here”. We also see Hershel checking up on Lori in her new jail cell cubby-hole. It’s like she is on unofficial suicide watch (remember Hershel’s daughter last season). As if the guy doesn’t have enough on his plate, he goes with the A-Team on an excursion through the prison. Why DA FUCQUE would you let Hershel go zombie-hunting? First off, he is pushing 70, and secondly, he needs to sit with Lori and make sure she has a safe pregnancy/doesn’t slit her wrists. Hershel goes rogue because he gets separated from his daughter and gets bit by a damn Walker. DAMMIT HERSHEL! Rick’s like, “no bigs, guys, we’ll just chop his leg off!”, and all is right in the world again. I guess it makes sense, if they are all infected anyways and you become a zombie once you die, the bite just merely speeds up the process. Since they chopped the leg off right when he got bit, maybe the infection didn’t spread and take over his body? I don’t know, we’ll have to wait and see. I’m rooting for Hershel to make it through, but let’ be honest, a one-legged senior citizen is about on the same level as a baby-Grimes screaming ball of poop. #burden

Michonne: Yes! Finally we get to meet Michonne. This is what I am most excited about for season 3. We know from the comics and show spoilers that Michonne has been traveling alone with her two walkers chained up behind her for awhile. She’s cut their fingers and teeth out so they can’t infect her and they mask her human scent to ward off other walkers. What a freaking genius. Did you see her wielding that sword like a freaking samurai? How about those fierce dreads? She is supposedly going to be Rick’s new ally/partner in crime. When the two meet up, I’m not really sure. We know that soon enough Michonne and Andrea will stumble upon a community (next weeK?) of people called Woodbury, but it looks like they are skeptical of the place and its’ people. Can’t wait to find out more about that.

Andrea: Andrea is not in a good place right now. No, like literally, she was coughing up a lung on a dirty floor. She looks like she’s in one of the rooms the “Saw” movies were filmed, and she has what seems to be the flu AND she’s surrounded by zombies. At least she has Michonne to take care of her! I sense that a very tight bond has formed between them. I can’t decide if this is sisterly or lesbian-ish. Michonne could definitely be a fierce power lesbian, and Andrea last had sexual relations with Shane who was a certified piece of shit, so we could totally see her switching teams. Only time will tell! We hope Andrea survives, though, because she was just turning into a badass at the end of season 2 instead of a whiny, suicidal brat.

Carl: Carl, Carl, Carl. What can we say about Carl, except if the world ever gets back to normal in his lifetime, he’s going to need some seriously extensive therapy. He has mommy issues, great aim with a gun and he’s hitting on ladies twice his age. Man, a zombie apocalypse can sure make a kid grow up fast, huh? We think Carl needs to slow down and let the men be the men. Carl, if there were no zombie apocalypse, you’d still be sitting at the kids table on Thanksgiving. So, let’s take it down a notch. He is WAY too eager to get into the zombie killing action which makes me believe he’ll be finding himself in a dire situation at some point this season. Do I really care? Honestly, no.

Hands down, this was one of the best season premieres I have ever seen. Super action packed and full of drama. We were left with the people that we knew were living in the prison already (spoilers) coming face to face with Daryl. I guess next week’s episode will be about Rick and crew meeting this group of people. The Season 3 spoiler showed Merle popping back up as well and we didn’t see him in the premiere. How do you think his return will effect Daryl? We know Merle was a grade-A asshole and could potentially jeopardize the dynamic of the group. Leave your thoughts about last night’s zombie-rific episode and share your thoughts and predictions. #TeamMichonne

Until next time…



Check out all of Season 3’s cast photos:

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