WHAT I LEARNED FROM THE VAMPIRE DIAIRES

1. If you insist on mingling with vampires, a vervain accessory is a must.

2. If people start to tell you that you look exactly like someone that lived 500 years ago, you’re in serious shit. Get out of town and consider face-altering plastic surgery. Can someone please tell me why Elena hasn’t at least tried out a fresh blonde bob or something? Maybe some bangs? Anything at all so she doesn’t look EXACTLY like a freakin Petrova doppelganger.

3. If you plan on making a move to Mystic Falls, VA, you should probably think again. Your life expectancy immediately drops by 15 years.

4. If you see someone with a leather jacket on there is an 85% chance that they’re a vampire.

5. If you have a friend that has frequent nose bleeds it might not just be the coke, they might be a witch.

6. If you date a vampire, prepare for the people you love the most to either die, get the shit kicked out of them or turn into supernatural creatures. Worth it? Umm… duh!

7. If you surround yourself with vamps you WILL need a witch best-friend to get you out of every single life-threatening situation you find yourself in.

8. If you see someone who wears scarves every day, even in the summer, they may be a vampire’s personal camelbak. Your nifty little mini-silk Chanel scarf is not fooling anyone! (ex: Caroline & Andie)

9. If someone in a leather jacket (see #4) grabs you and intensely looks into your eyes and their pupils move all weird and…wait-what was I just talking about?

10. You don’t really have to go to high school. Just the Decade Dances, Masquerade Balls, Festival set-up, etc. Oh yeah, and PS, every time you attend one of these someone will either a)die b)turn into a supernatural creature c)both.

11. Bridges=death.

12. White Oak Ash trees are actually real. #JeporadyAnswer #LikeABoss

13. If you move to Mystic Falls, prepare to have a shitty mother: a)Bonnie’s mom left her at birth, b)Elena’s birth-mom gave her up to become a terrible excuse for a vampire c)Matt’s mom was a drunken hooker d)The Original’s Mom tried to kill all her kids e)Caroline’s Mom hid the fact that she was a vampire REALLY well. #not f)Tyler’s mom let his body get taken over by the most powerful hybrid in the world. Where is the parental supervision? Especially when you KNOW that there are Supes with bad intentions lurkin’ all over the place. Anyways…

14. If someone gives you a ring and says it will make you invincible, they’re lying. It will actually make you a murderous sociopath.

15. There are different breeds of vamps. Virginian vamps are a different breed of vampires that do not explode when staked. Apparently, in the south they explode (a la True Blood). However, all vamps wear leather jackets.-@FollowFallon

16. Never invite someone into your home who’s wearing a leather jacket and looks sexy/hungry. UNLESS you want to be a bad ass vamp for all eternity. #DUH!

17. Never ask to be brought back from the dead UNLESS you want to see dead people, like, all the time. *You’re singing in the shower* BAM! Grandpa shows up. #awkward

18. Strategy and manipulation tactics from Damon. If you want something, just do the sexy eye thing. I would practice in front of a mirror first, though. We don’t want you looking like a pedophile.

19. Motels + sexual tension= hot make-out sessions. #Delena

20. The U.S Census Bureau is really bad at their job. Seriously, how many people have to die in one town for you to infiltrate that shit?

And lastly, in order to be considered cool, you must drink scotch in front of a burning fire place, always have your fake lashes on, wear leather, have constant drama in your life/people you love dying, be in your 20’s but you still look like a teenager, and attend at least one fancy dinner/dance per year.

Comment on what you learned from TVD, bitches. #fangsout

xoxo,

Team TSD

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