TRUE BLOOD RECAP – 5×01 BREAKING IT DOWN

EPISODE ONE PACKS A PUNCH & LEAVES TRUBIES WANTING MORE!

Well Holy Gran Ghost Fairy Godmother Blood-sucking Sweet Mother of Pearl! Last night’s episode was awesome? Don’t you agree? Of course you do. The only way you wouldn’t have enjoyed last night’s epic episode is if you’re a blind , deaf and dumb mole rat that lives 10 feet underground. So, let’s discuss some of the tantalizing happenings that transpired in Bon Temps in Episode One.

– Since when did every single person in Bon Temps become such a badass? I love it! The characters this season are going to be so fierce. They aren’t putting up with any shit! I guess if you went through as much crap as they have though you would probably have the skin of a Louisiana swamp gator too. That means “thick” for all of you that flunked Zoology class.

– Eric with another lady? Oh heellll to the no! Not that I mind seeing Eric sans clothing but only when it involves Sookie. That stinkin Nora… bitch. I mean, I know Sookie rejected him but he needs to just wait around for her and remain celebate until she realizes that they are suppose to be together forever and ever and begs for him back and then he comes running and they live together happily ever after in a mansion on a hill and have a garden and half-vamp half-human babies. Do you agree or is this just my fantasy here?

– Sookie has an evil and creepy alter-ego named Spookie. She likes to kill people in cold blood in her kitchen and then dispose of their bodies. WTF?! Also, Sookie you used like 25 different cleaning products and scrubbed that place all night but you forgot that gnarly tooth on the kitchen floor. Get it together girl, you almost got caught. Phew! That was a close one. Don’t stress too much though Sook, I would have killed her too.

– So, Pam was right. Tara is “fucktarded”. What did you expect Lafayette and Sookie? Homegirl lost like 36% of her brain. I think most people need like 100% of their brain. Now you have to deal with the consequences and it looks like that is going to suck. Sorry boutcha.

– Jessica, stop toying with our resident forever-shirtless, possibly a were-panther, hottie. We know you like him so stop making out with pretentious douche bags at your vamp mansion Rock Band parties. It is totally not becoming of a lady and it’s rude. You owe Jason anyway for not arresting all your underage drinkers. You’re welcome!

I could go on forever but seriously, it’s lunch time and I don’t skip meals for anything. Leave your comments about Episode One and what you think of this breakdown. #fangsout

xoxo,

Team TSD

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