1. You can drink as much coffee/blood/soda/wine as you want without having to go pee. I can’t tell you how many times I get pissed off while I’m in the middle of watching my favorite TVD/TB episodes and I have to relieve myself. #annoying
2. The minute you get turned, you start wearing leather. You can just toss out all those wretched hand-me-downs from your older sister. Seriously, if you’re a vamp, along with super strength and perfect hair and makeup, you get a closet full of badass leather attire. Fuck those Target cardigans. Well, maybe keep the leopard print one. #fierce
3. You Will Never Be Single Again. Vampires NEVER find themselves lonely on a Friday night reading Fifty Shades of Grey and then crying themselves to sleep (I’ve just heard some people do that). Nope! Vampires are hot and they exude this confidence that just attracts people to them. Someone’s not ready to tango? Just compel them! That might be completely immoral but when you’re a vampire it doesn’t freaking matter.
4. Love Triangles (with other hot supes). Think about it, you get to compete with other insanely gorgeous people for another insanely gorgeous person and have constant sexual tension. Bella/Edward/Jacob, Sookie/Bill/Eric, Elena/Damon/Stefan, the list goes on. Do you know how amazing supernatural sex must be? I can tell you right now, that shit ain’t ‘vanilla’. It’s more like ‘triple chocolate with a cherry on top’. If it’s Delena sex, it probably has sprinkles on it too.
5. Grocery Shopping? Fuck that. If I were a vamp, I would glamour every cashier into giving me my food for free. Lettuce? Free. Reduced Fat Cheese-Itz? Free. Chocolate covered Oreos? Free again. You know how frustrating it is to spend money on my fiber medicine when I could be spending it on TVD posters instead? Which brings me to my next point…
6. I wouldn’t need my fiber medicine anymore. If you’re a vamp, I highly doubt you have digestion problems. Which reminds me…
7. No More Doctor Bills. Tired of paying Dr. Ekat Jhingran a shit ton of money every time your nose starts running or your joints get achy? Well, you might want to consider becoming a vampire. No medicine, no doctor bills and no waiting in those horribly uncomfortable waiting rooms for hours after your scheduled appointment time. When you’re a vamp you are healthy as fuck. You’re like a cockroach, nothing can destroy you. Just stear clear of the vervain and the silver.
8. Scotch and burning fireplaces. Damon and Stefan from TVD are always drinking scotch or blood in front of a burning fireplace. How mature and badass is that? The last time I tried to do that I got so bored I started cooking s’mores. Don’t judge me. It isn’t as exciting as it looks.
9. You Don’t Need A Job. You need a little extra cash to buy that brand new leather jacket you’ve been eying in the window of Saks? Just go hang around some rich people, compel them to give you their American Express black card and BAM, you’ve got yourself a brand new jacket. Vampires don’t need a stupid job to make money. They get what they want, when they want. If I were a vamp, I would definitely not work. I would blog all day about how fucking awesome I am. Does this already happen? Maybe. #realtalk
10. Eternal Life. Um…duh! So you have to watch all your loved ones get old and die. Is that really that bad? I think not. Just don’t have children before you get turned because that shit would be depressing… but #worthit.
What do you think would be the best part of being a vampire? Let us know! Until next time…