So, I feel like we need to discuss some of True Blood’s beloved townies and their recent behavior. I think they may be getting a bad wrap right now but I’m out to prove that we need to cut them a little slack.
1. Lafayette – Yah yah yah… So he turned all demon and almost killed Sookie by effing up her car so she had to do a barrel roll out of her car to save her life. By the way, how the hell did she come away without a broken body part or even a scratch? Whatevs. Let’s just think for a minute about the horrible turn Lafayette’s life has taken. He’s been hooked on V and been locked up in Eric’s dungeon. He got convinced to get involved in a creepy Marnie-run witch coven which resulted in him getting all mixed up in a mess of shit. Then he had to find out via scary ritual done by Jesus’ uncle, that he’s a medium. That’s a life changer right there. He had to watch his lover-boo turn into a frackin demon with a really ugly face in order to save Sookie and the vamps. Then, he became possessed by Marnie’s bitch-ass and killed his lover boy. THEN he got possessed again by an old baby-loving ghost and kidnaps Arlene’s babe, wrapping it in swaddling blankets and wielding a gun at anyone who tried to enter the house. He saw his cuz with her head spilled open all over Sook’s floor and had to help clean that up and then dispose of Debbie’s body. Worst night ever. Tara (like his only family member left) hates his guts and he tried to kill her in her sleep. Now poor Lafayette is slowly turning into that ugly-faced demon thing and he doesn’t even have Jesus around to help him through it or tell him what the balls is going on. So tragic. So, if the worst he has done so far is accidentally almost kill Sookie by cursing her car then I think that’s acceptable. We’ll let that one slide Lafayette.
2. Tara – Her nasty attitude boils down to 2 things. Number 1: So she bit Sookie. Sookie, you deserved it. I know it’s hard to think straight when your BFF’s brains are all over your kitchen floor and you just murdered someone in cold blood, but you should have grabbed your Twix bars and taken a break. You turned her into what she hates more than anything in the world. Your bad. Number 2: Tara had to spend approximately 3 whole episodes in that freakin outfit. She probably smelled like sewage water and was covered in blood and brain shit. I’d be livid if Sookie hadn’t of said, “Why don’t you take a nice warm shower and borrow one of my cute sundresses. In fact, you can keep the sundress as a symbol of my apology for turning you into a blood-sucking demon of the night.” I feel like Tara deserved at least that. Super rude Sook. Where was your southern hospitality?
3. Mini-Authority: Ok, so lil’ dude got the True Death last episode (however, a spanking may have sufficed). We all saw how stank his attitude was, and sure he betrayed the Authority but was that really his fault? Put yourselves in his velcro shoes for a second. How would you feel being a forever-10 year old? He probably never really got the respect he deserved because he was 2 feet shorter than everyone else and had to sit in a booster seat at the Authority’s classy oak conference table. #embarrassing If anyone had bothered to allow him to have a nap every now and then when he got cranky, maybe he wouldn’t have been so defiant and disgruntled. The Authority members have obviously never had to deal with children. Maybe they could have taken a parenting class and learned some techniques for handling unruly children but nooo, they just said “screw it” and staked his ass. Bottom line, mini-Authority picked the short straw in the game of life. Sorry about your luck Tiny Tim.
As you can see, they did shitty things, but it isn’t really their fault. Let’s show them a little sympathy and try to understand that their lives are freaking horrible. Seriously, their lives suck (especially the dead one). So let’s all give them a pat on the back (minus the dead one) and tell them everything is going to be alright, even though we know it’ll probably just get worse. #fangsout