CRAIGSLIST AD: VAMPIRE WANTED

I am looking for a vampire to turn me. There are a few requirements though. I can’t just be letting any old vampire bite my neck. That would be freaking creepy. You must be able to compel or glamour (the terminology is irrelevant) people so that I don’t know what the french toast sticks is going on. I basically want to see you and then BAM, the next thing I know, I’m a full blown vamp. We can hang out after your job is done. Also, I don’t want any of this ‘slow transition’ shit that I have read about online. No thank you. I do not want to spend a month or more transforming into a total badass. I have shit to do. Don’t waste my time. I refuse to get buried under the ground in order to transform (a la True Blood). Not only am I claustrophobic, but I also don’t like dirt under my nails. If this HAS to happen, then I need you to be my cuddle buddy the whole time. You can be the big spoon if you want. Also, this better not be the first time you have turned someone. If you are trying to make me your very first vamp-child, you better think again. I want to join a well-established vampire family (preferably royalty or originals or something like that) not some newb vamper that doesn’t know his ass from his fangs.

 In order to be eligible to turn me, you must be a male and have all of the following: 6-pack (at least), a full head of hair, hot vampire friends, bright sparkling white fangs (sanitation is important to me), a closet full of leather jackets for me to wear when I turn, a way for me to hang out in the day time (daylight ring?) and a sweet mansion with lots of hidey-holes that I can sleep in. Is this really too much to ask for? I think not. Just send me a message if you meet all the requirements and are up for the task of becoming a new parent. If you think this ad is ridiculous and you don’t want to turn me, well then BITE ME! No, seriously bite me… I’m desperate.

#fangsout

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